By Douglas Carew
Life with an addict can be nightmarish and that includes the scourge of the e-age; addiction to Internet porn.
A Cape Town woman this week told of her life with an Internet porn addict and how the addiction to pornography downloaded from the Net also hooked her teenage brother.
The woman, who asked not to be identified, and her boyfriend ran a website design company from their home. The most time-consuming part of the job was uploading files, so they would do that overnight.
'I felt dirty, gross and that I was not satisfying him' The woman used to wake up to check that the connection had not been broken and it was then that she discovered that her boyfriend had been viewing and downloading pornographic photographs and films.
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"I confronted him a number of times but he felt it was his private thing and did not influence our relationship," she said. "I felt that his porn addiction was a violation of my trust. That he was having an affair in his mind."
It also affected their sex life. "When we were being intimate I felt he was comparing me to the tall blonde model he had been downloading 10 minutes before.
"I am a woman and I appreciate my body. I feel it is beautiful, but I felt I was not good enough for him and I am a pretty rock solid person, so I don't know how other less confident people would feel if their partner was addicted to porn."
Over the three years of their relationship, her boyfriend built up an extensive stash of pornography.
"The kind of things he was downloading got worse and worse," she said. "There was crude, violent, really ugly stuff."
It affected her boyfriend's expectations - eventually he wanted to act out what he had seen - looking at the images was not enough.
"He started asking me to do other things in bed," she said. "It was a manifestation of the things he had seen.
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