Dear Lotto Board, I am putting fingers to keyboard as chairman of the ADSL (African Democratic Seniors League) because we note that you recently granted Cosatu officials R1 million to celebrate their organisation’s birthday.
And before that you contributed millions to the Youth League to play “spin the bottle” and kiss each other.
We have no quarrel with any of this. After all, lottery money is meant to ease life’s pressures for the sick, for the blind, for the hungry and homeless and, of course, for those who work so conscientiously towards keeping South Africa economically viable.
We have witnessed the distressing sight of municipal workers so exhausted from ensuring our country’s economic health that they are asleep in the roadside grass by eleven in the morning.
And if it wasn’t for Cosatu calling for more money and less work, they’d be forced to work all day – well, at least until 3.30pm when government workers at all levels plod their weary way to the restroom to spruce up for their 4pm departure.
No, they all deserved those millions from charity funds just as hungry children deserve soup and the homeless deserve roofs over their heads.
Viva Cosatu! Viva the workers!
As chairman of the ADSL I respectfully ask that we be listed as a beneficiary of the Lotto funds for the purpose of celebrating our sixth birthday next month.
R500 000 would be perfectly adequate in our case.
All four of us who make up the League were movers and shakers in our time. Nowadays, perforce, we are just shakers and so can no longer eat peas with a fork or use pepper without sneezing over everybody. But our faculties are unimpaired.
We meet for lunch on a monthly basis when we make decisions of national and even international importance.
Apart from discussing immediate issues such as what wine to have with our lunch and whether to have snails or Portuguese sardines as starters, we also arrive at some important solutions regarding topical issues such as inner city riots, the US credit debacle and Western Province’s recent poor showing.
Yet we go unrewarded. So much so that one of our members – a well-known academic whose tomes on South African history are so weighty they are used countrywide to flatten ganglions – could not afford the seafood platter at our last lunch.
Yet at that lunch we decided that the US should stop dropping bombs in the Middle East. The Arabs may be tiring of their presidents but that is their business.
After all, are we not getting pretty fed up with our own President? But we don’t want B52s dropping bombs on our heads, thank you very much.
We also decided that the corruption recently hinted at within London’s Metropolitan Police should be rooted out and we stood and saluted our own policemen whom we unanimously agreed were the best police money can buy.
We discussed at length what the ANC should do about Julius Malema, which led to a spirited and rather noisy debate and us being asked to leave.
On broader issues we have made far-reaching recommendations regarding the World Bank, the International Monetary Fund, Fifa, Saru and Unesco.
We only ask that you come to a speedy decision as our members are likely to pop off.
We have supported the Lotto for years but apart from sharing a R35 win in 2001 we have not been lucky. Nevertheless our support continues unabated.
We earnestly request that you consider granting us R500 000 so that we can celebrate our birthday – September 1 – and perhaps keep a little aside for Irish coffees after future lunches.