January 1. Southbroom. Dear Diary, woke at 11.30am to the rattle of many empty bottles and dimly recall resolving to go for 3km walk each morning from this time on and not to touch alcohol until March 31. Also resolved to eat no carbohydrates but lots of greens and carrots and fruit and to lose 15kg by said date.
Checked with wife. She says I did indeed resolve all of this last night. What is more, Arthur Clackstow agreed to do the same and bet me R1 000 as to who (or even whom) would break the diet first.
January 1. Dear Diary, it’s me again – Selwyn! Selwyn Brown. I know you were disappointed last year when my daily diary lasted only until January 17th.
This year I have resolved to write it every night, like Samuel Peeps, whatever his name was. No more scribbling “nothing happened today” because I know “every day is a precious gift”, as Shakespeare said, or was it Bles Bridges?
The advert in The Star read: “The first six lucky callers to get through to Stuart Hess today from 10am on 011 633 2829 can collect their tickets to watch Brian Lara’s calypso cricketers at The Star’s offices at 47 Sauer Street, Johannesburg.”
This was 10 years ago and a reader recalled it recently while watching South Africa playing Pakistan.
As this is International Give Poor Newspaper Columnists a Break Day – fully recognised by Unep, Uncted, FAO, Sars and the SPCA – I am allowed to leave this column to readers while I stay home and cover matchboxes with pretty bits of cloth for Christmas presents.
So, please welcome the famous medico, Dr Hugh Cobb of Rosebank who, having read my recent column on Jewish humour, has something to add: