Lisa Joshua Sonn
My friend says people with disabilities are differently abled. I thought it was semantics. After some thought I think she might be onto something. In our home, the mantra is Disabled is not Unabled. Between you and me, with my tongue in my cheek:" How else would we get our son who has left sided cerebral palsy to not exploit us!"
He is nineteen and after two childhood strokes and a near death experience, his life flourished and he became unstoppable. This was actually the reason for the mantra! He showed us. He represented Western Province for his high school years in Physically Challenged Swimming, discus, shot-put and javelin. He won gold, silver and bronze medals. He was wonderfully supported by coaches, selectors, trainers, other athletes and parents as well as, corporate sponsors and government programs.
He travelled on the bus with his team. Some are learning impaired, others in wheelchairs, others amputees, others visually impaired, some completely blind and some deaf. The disabilities and challenges vary enormously. When I looked around at the calm ability of parents to put their disabled children on a bus to Johannesburg and Pretoria I did have to think about my concerns and how they were actually parental fears not real worries. It didn't take long before I realised they were unfounded, the risk is not bigger than any of my other children getting on that bus because disabled is not unabled. The same care and support other sports teams get when they do tours was available here.
I once rushed to help a wheelchair bound athlete who was calling a teacher to help him in a fun, light hearted way. She smiled at him, held my elbow and asked him if he was disabled. He grinned and took himself off to the bus. It was an aha moment for me. He was chancing his luck the way my children do when they ask me (from the TV room) to get them water from the kitchen! As a parent raising a young man with cerebral palsy, as an able bodied person and as a natural helper, I learnt something useful. Sometimes the way we help people, actually disempowers them. Unless they ask us for help, get on with your stuff and leave them to it.
I have always had concerns about how poorly these disabled sporting events are covered in the media and how little airtime they get on television. As I watched these young people over years, work through any obstacles to give their best performance. I am clear who the real sports heroes are, the ones who have to work the hardest at being great and better than last time.
The achievements of the differently abled cannot be captured by a medal, by your imagination. It is something spectacular to observe, a blind cricketer, a swimmer who can't walk unaided but can swim and a blind runner with the help of a guide, lapping other runners who can see. It is remarkable. Over time, you see the athlete not the disability. The competition is not about beating other competitors but about beating your own time and getting feedback on your personal effort. Everybody in the team is recognised. I remember my son participating in able bodied swimming galas , as a disabled swimmer. Most of the swimmers had touched the finish line, sometimes the water was still and he would be swimming his heart out, often a minute or more after the last abled bodied swimmer. My heart and tear ducts burst with pride as the swell of the crowds cheers filled my head and the stadium."Swimmmmmmmmmmmm! Swimmmmmmmm!" Everybody around that Olympic sized pool, cheering for him. They were not feeling sorry for him, irritated or annoyed at his time, they cheered him on as the swimmer he was!
I have always been poor at encouraging my children to compete with other people, at sport, at school, in life. I think I will keep it that way. They all seem fine to me and from what people say about them behind my back. "Good children". Good children can also become good people.
Instead of teaching competition, others have that adequately handled I think. I want to put some energy into raising awareness that disabled is not unabled. Everybody can be good at something.
I turned on the television once and saw a blind singer competing for a spot in a national competition. At the national and provincial sporting events for the disabled, I saw the courage of all the differently abled athletes whose strength sometimes is merely their perseverance, self belief and willingness to try and many times their talent. They find something they love and they do it. Isn't that what we tell all our children? It should be. When I realised this competitor in the singing competition was blind, him showing up was my new normal. This is one of the values we were gifted with as our son made his way through a school for scholars with special needs. When I saw the reaction of one of the judges at the singing competition, as it dawned on her that he was blind, she started crying. I may be wrong but it felt like admiration and pity mixed.
Instead of blaming the judge I thought it would be great to use this example to highlight again, as i do with every chance I get, that disabled is not unabled. When you have a disability, that is your normal. We have over years stopped explaining to people that our son has a disability. He can mention if it becomes necessary, when they ask him to do something that requires both his hands for example. His left arm and leg have some spasticity as a result of the stroke like episodes. This means tying laces, putting toothpaste on a brush, carrying a tray are among his challenges every day. He however, doesn't see the disability; he adapts our way of doing things to a way that he can do it, so he does not enjoy pity, sympathy, tilted heads and quiet hushed conversations about his struggles. I especially don't enjoy people asking me "what is wrong with him?"when they do notice his limp or clenched fist.
I am of the belief, it is like this for most people who are differently abled and have a disability. It does not have them, they have it and they are perfect as they are and as they aren't. Just like us.
Tonight I had the misfortune of putting the television on at the exact time the blind singer who made it through to this point of the competition ,was approaching the stage. His introduction included something close to viewers needing tissues. Unless you wear the dark glasses of that singer and walk in his shoes as a competent and accomplished artist, you won't understand how condescending it is to collapse everything he is into his disability. He is a person and he is blind.