FANCY a bet? Before you do, first consult our sporting predictions for this weekend ...
Crystal Ball No 1: Between a Brok and a hard place
Brok Harris is finally going to realise his dream and get his chance to start in his preferred position for Western Province against the Lions tonight.
After an unfortunate turn of events, mere hours before kickoff at Ellis Park, the crystal ball reveals that Province flyhalf Kurt Coleman and his deputy on the bench (whatever his name is) withdraw because of a stomach bug after sharing some lunch. And, obviously, the natural replacement for these two would be Harris, having spent years in the flyhalf channel while donning the No 3 jersey.
However, Province don’t have a No 10 jersey in XXXXL, and they end up taking two jerseys and sew them together to get Brok ready for action.
And as it turns out, the former prop dazzles with a series of outrageous show-and-gos to win WP the match. But his game is overshadowed by his performance at the post-match interview, after he slaps Owen Nkumane for saying he “played too much rugby”.
Crystal Ball No 2: Make that a double ...
The crystal ball has great news for Arsenal fans ... Arsene Wenger is finally going to spend money this weekend! But it’s unfortunately not on players.
The Gunners boss is going to take out his wallet in the 50th minute of the north London derby against Tottenham Hotspur on Sunday and send one of the ball boys to buy a bottle of Scotch to drown his sorrows.
Of course, the ball boy won’t have to bring ice, because there will be enough around the Emirates to cater for Mathieu Flamini’s dodgy knees after he rejoined the club this week.
Water, though, might be useful, as not even the crystal ball is sure how many water bottles Wenger will throw on to the ground on Sunday.
Crystal Ball No 3: Cannonball Kev out in the Open
After being called a pea-shooter in the media, Kevin Anderson is going to haul out some of his big serves in the US Open this weekend.
The crystal ball has revealed that the South African has been doing a lot of work in the gym, but has developed a nasty habit of doing his workout in front of the mirror.
However, on reflection (pun intended), Anderson will have to look at himself in the mirror in a less self-indulgent sort of way, as the crystal ball predicts that he won’t see the latter stages of the tournament.
All the gym work in the world will help your serve, but if you can’t serve up a treat from the baseline, you are going to be cannon-fodder, Kev.
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