We all know that emotional intelligence plays a far bigger role than it ever did before in companies, but what does it mean exactly? Helen Grange found a book that unpacks it
If you work in a corporate environment, you’ll be familiar with the rocky, often treacherous terrain it is. Office politics, negativity, back-stabbing, passive aggression… if you’ve worked in an office long enough, you’ll have encountered one, if not all, of the above.
To inch your way forward and upward, then, sheer application isn’t going to be enough. You need a bank of finely honed people skills too, and the mind of a shrewd strategist, especially if you have ambitions to be top dog. That said, you still need to actually put your head down and produce good work, which, in our attention-deficit times, is easier said than done.
Despite its inept title and even less inspired cover, the book 4 Seconds: All the Time You Need to Stop Counter-Productive Habits and Get the Results You Want, by Peter Bregman, is an accessible little handbook about how to handle every manner of human situation in business, and life in general.
The “four seconds” of the title refers to his rule that you should always take a breath before acting. That, he says, is the secret to making good decisions.
If you’re about to send off an angry e-mail to your boss, take four seconds to breathe and reconsider. About to start screaming at a lazy, unco-operative subordinate? Take four seconds to calm down.
Bregman is an American leadership coach and author of 18 Minutes, about finding your focus and mastering distraction, which was a Wall Street Journal best-seller.
This latest book, drawn from his hugely popular Harvard Business Review blog, argues that the things we all want – fulfilling relationships, accomplishments of which we’re proud, meaningful success at work, to be of service to others, peace of mind – are surprisingly straightforward to achieve.
But, in many cases, our best efforts to achieve them are built on habits and behaviours that, simply put, don’t work.
What I like about Four Seconds is that it debunks some persistent myths out there, unpacking them and demonstrating through example why they’re not effective.
1. Don’t set goals
One is that you must identify a specific goal for any project. According to a Harvard Business School research study, the negative side-effects of goal setting include “a narrow focus that neglects non-goal areas, a rise in unethical behaviour, distorted risk preferences, corrosion of organisational culture and reduced intrinsic motivation”.
“Instead of identifying goals, consider identifying areas of focus. A goal defines an outcome; an area of focus establishes activities you want to spend your time doing,” Bregman writes. Not that goals aren’t important – they specify where you’re going – but you find you reach them more effectively when your focus is on the most valuable use of your time, he suggests.
How often have you been motivated to do something, but never follow it through? Bregman explains that motivation is a concept; follow-through is a practice or action. “Here’s the key, if you want to follow through on something, stop thinking. Shut down the sabotaging conversation that goes on in your head (talking you out of it) before it starts.
“Make a very specific decision about something you want to do and don’t question it. I mean decisions like ‘I will work out tomorrow at 6am’ or ‘I will say at least one thing in the next meeting’,” he explains.
2. Don’t be perfect
Bregman’s next little nugget resonated with me, being in a deadline-intense industry. It’s titled “Ditch the urge to be perfect”, and explains that when we try to make something perfect, we’re prone to overthinking it, and spending too much time spinning with too little progress.
“Overthinking is rarely helpful, increases stress, takes a tremendous amount of time, and never produces a better product,” he writes. He found two things helpful when under pressure to deliver on a big challenge: running out of time, which ignited productivity, and lowering expectations.
“To get your most important things done without losing your mind, stop trying so hard and aiming for perfection. Instead, try racing as quickly as you can through the next phase of work. Spending less time on it might just make it better,” he says.
3. Trust yourself
This is underscored by a titbit that seems obvious, yet so many of us struggle to implement, especially in creative pursuits. It is “trust yourself first”, which means that the next time you feel insecure about a task, ask yourself what you think first.
“Listen to yourself and trust your mind and heart. It often helps not to think about what others think.”
To assist the creative process, he says, it’s helpful to “fight the urge to fill every moment in your day”.
“Our best ideas typically come to us when we are being unproductive.”
For me, the real value of Four Seconds lies not so much in how to tackle and get ahead with projects, but in how to get people on your side, in other words the emotional intelligence part. The importance of relationship building is a known, but how does one do it effectively?
4. Don’t argue
One of Bregman’s tips is to see past clumsy communication, that is, the inept e-mail or comment in a meeting that comes across rude or doesn’t address the issue effectively. “Picture someone who is moving fast, trying to get a lot done – someone who’s not skilled at communicating effectively. Overlook their inelegance. Then, when it’s your turn to speak, address the real issue, not the clumsiness… Respond to what’s really going on,” he writes.
Linked to this is honing that tricky little skill – walking away from an argument. “Arguing achieves a predictable outcome: it solidifies each person’s stance, which of course is the exact opposite of what you’re trying to achieve with the argument in the first place. It also wastes time and deteriorates relationships,” he says. To avoid a row, change the subject or politely let the person know you don’t want to engage in a discussion about it, Bregman suggests.
Argumentative people, of course, are likely to be the negative people in your office, those who are always complaining. So how do you neutralise negativity, which can poison the morale of the team? Bregman suggests that a good tactic is to agree with them in some way.
“You don’t have to agree with everything they’ve said, but if you can, agree with some of what they’re feeling.” Then, reinforce what they feel is positive.
“Never meet someone’s negativity with your positivity. If you want to turn around someone’s attitude, try agreeing with them first,” he says. In other words, don’t succumb to anger, pettiness or the urge to put down another.
MORE TIPS
Bregman also advises:
* Comparing yourself to others, or others to each other, doesn’t get you anywhere. Each person has a unique blend of skills, motivations, passions, capabilities, strengths, weaknesses, character and personality. Seeing individuals individually will elicit better performance, loyalty and gratitude.
* Although we often avoid giving critical feedback because we don’t want to hurt the other person, the nicest and most helpful thing you can do for someone is to be honest and direct with them. Giving critical feedback with respect will help you build a deeper relationship with them.
* It’s all too easy to default to preparing overly thought-out (and boring) PowerPoint presentations. Instead, try leading informal discussions. People collaborate best when they think together about problems.
* Don’t forget to send that thank you message. People like to have their efforts and their own messages acknowledged. Doing so creates the kind of goodwill that might make your relationship immune to future time-sucking conflicts. Saying thank you is never a waste of time.
Four Seconds (HarperOne) is available online at Exclusive Books for R353.