Sportmen’s autobiographies, by and large, include tedious descriptions of skills, techniques and diet; endless tables of scores, stats and heart-rending sob stories about how the sportsman in question tried and tried again, ad nauseam, before ultimately succeeding in his endeavours… to gratifying worldwide acclaim.
As one who recoils in horror at the thought of being subjected to such self-aggrandising twaddle, I was a little more hopeful at the prospect of Stoked!
I reasoned that the serious surfers I know are often well-travelled, with a wealth of fireside fables to share about the picturesque spots they’ve visited.
Naturally, it also helps that I have an interest in the sport through my son, who owns a board and wetsuit that occasionally get hauled out for a mid-winter soaking in between all the rugby matches.
And I was right to be optimistic. Chris Bertish has visited some spectacular places, both in his capacity as surfer and yachtsman.
Egypt, Israel, the US, Brazil, the Caribbean, Europe and even Rapa Nui, one of the most remote islands on Earth, have all been on his itinerary. He entertains with legends such as that of Easter Island’s Birdman Race, a bizarre local custom which involves a 300m cliff climb, 20m dive and swim with sharks among other things, to decide the island’s leader for the next five years.
Arid Chile is the scene of a near-disaster that speaks to Bertish’s ability to endure hardship and pain, his determination, as well as pure South African ingenuity in the face of limited funds and desperation.
There are heart-warming stories about the kindness of strangers, not to mention generous family members, who assist him on his travels.
There’s also the inevitable all’s-well-that-ends-well (though it could easily have ended gruesomely) shark tale, and a story about an overnight camping session in an idyllic location that goes distinctly pear-shaped.
He isn’t what one might call a wordsmith par excellence – one of my colleagues puts it this way, “he’s not a writer, he’s a jock” – but Bertish certainly has a worthwhile anecdote or two under his belt.
What he does have in abundance, though, is experience of monster waves at places like Dungeons, off the Sentinel on the side of Hout Bay Harbour, and Waimea Bay, Banzai Pipeline and Jaws in Hawaii.
He’s surfed the ominous-sounding Killers at Todos Santos in Mexico and the notorious Mavericks at Half Moon Bay in Northern California where the waves barrelled in at full tilt – the biggest-ever recorded for the sport – even, at one point, taking out stalls, webcasting tower, speakers, PA system, and 40-odd beach spectators.
This guy has surfed waves with 50-60-foot (15m-18m) faces, the sort of waves seen on the videos that family friend and local surf personality, Baron Stander, played on a loop in his surf museum back in the day.
Coming off their relatively tame Indian Ocean counterparts, the average local surfer dan must find it hard to imagine waves of this magnitude.
Having been sucked into a washing machine-type wave myself, as a fearless student, I now have a healthy respect – nay terror, under certain wave conditions – for the ocean and its power to engulf and overwhelm.
And last summer, I stupidly subjected my 40-something bones to a jump off a cliff at Inanda Dam.
Having done myself a rather severe damage in the process, I have to admit to viewing Bertish’s big-wave feats with a mixture of incredulity and something resembling veneration.
Once he commits to a wave, he’s in, booties an’ all – no matter if the wave is a mercenary killer with a dangerous ledge to it.
Nothing holds him back. He’s surfed with a busted knee and two cracked ribs.
Reading about his leash being snagged and dragging him under makes me wince, while the near-drownings have a positively toe-curling effect.
That Bertish is so addicted to a sport which has taken the lives of dedicated big-wave surfers he has known, and once or twice, closed in on Bertish himself, not to mention that he has actually saved the lives of others who nearly succumbed, makes him either barking mad, a slavering wreck of a slave to his next ocean fix, or worthy of some serious kudos – I can’t quite decide which.
Whatever the case, he is clearly mentally, emotionally and physically driven to succeed and has several SUP (stand-up paddleboard) world records to his name.
His “See it, Believe it, Achieve it” mantra must be good for something, so I reckon I’ll make this compulsory reading for all teens in my household.
After all, the book is always better than the movie.
Stoked! by Chris Bertish is published by Zebra Press