Oziel and Nompumelelo Mdletshe want nothing more than to start a family and they have learnt that they can, despite Oziel being HIV positive.
Durban - HIV is a manageable chronic disease and affected couples could have a healthy sex life and conceive – however, stigma remains their biggest hurdle.
Dr Sibongile Mashaphu, a psychiatry lecturer at the University of KwaZulu-Natal, has been awarded a scholarship for the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA), where she will focus her doctorate research on couples where one is HIV positive and the other negative.
Mashaphu said antiretroviral (ARV) treatment had transformed the course of HIV/Aids, but such relationships were still very challenging because they were often ridden with stress, anxiety and fear.
undefined“My concern with most HIV-related counselling interventions is that they focus more on the individual at risk, but sexual transmission of HIV frequently occurs in the context of a primary relationship between two partners. So my approach would be to focus on the couple as a unit of change,” she said.
Observed
Having observed the psychological impact on couples in her practice, she believes this intervention should be made available to all couples in the public and private sector.
Already successfully used in two areas of Los Angeles with a high prevalence of HIV infection, it would not only reduce transmission, but also improve physical and psychological well-being of couples.
Oziel Mdletshe, 47, was diagnosed HIV positive 19 years ago. In 2008, he married Nompumelelo, 37, who was and still is HIV negative.
The couple have decided to use their experience as a discordant couple to raise awareness and stop the “transmission of HIV in the name of love”.
Speaking to the Daily News this week, Oziel said he had started the Life Foundation and Development to bridge the knowledge gap between the scientific evidence which allowed couples to have a normal and healthy relationship and the misconceptions still harboured by society.
“HIV does not mean you are at death’s door or something which can only be discussed behind closed doors or not at all,” he said.
Mashaphu believes it is high time that love in the time of HIV was normalised.
“In HIV discordant (one positive and the other negative) relationships, the HIV negative partner also carries the burden of a stigmatised disease. For this reason, couples often hide their status,” she said.
People had shamed Nompumelelo saying she must have been desperate to marry an HIV-positive man or must be mentally ill.
“People are rejected in love all the time because of HIV, but some are in discordant relationships without knowing it. How many people are infected by their partners? That means that partner was positive and did not disclose to the other all along. My wife had the power of knowledge and the right support to overrule that stigma, and we want to empower others so the stigma and discrimination can end,” Oziel said.
In partnership with Info4Africa, the couple held the first dialogue last month, sharing their experience with the aim of destigmatising love in the time of HIV.
“We want people to know that it’s not a miracle that my wife is not HIV positive after seven years married to me, it’s because we communicate and learnt how to prevent transmission. We have an active sexual life and are even trying to have children.”
The couple have tried sperm washing twice to fall pregnant.
According to Mashaphu, this is the process where individual sperm is separated from the semen as HIV cannot attach to the sperm but to fluid and cell surrounding the sperm.
When that failed, they tried to conceive naturally. Because Oziel is on ARVs, his viral load – the amount of HIV in the blood – is undetectable. This decreases the risk of him infecting Nompumelelo during unprotected sex.
“This kind of information is not publicised because it is thought that it will encourage HIV positive people to have unprotected sex. The reality is that these are options available to us. We seek medical support and I go on ARVs before and we only do it when I am ovulating,” Nompumelelo said.
Frustrations
“One of our frustrations right now is not HIV, it’s that we are actively trying and praying for a child and so far we have not been blessed. So many couples out there go through the same thing, we are no different because we are a discordant couple,” Oziel said.
By the time he met Nompumelelo, Oziel was a well-known activist, having been one of the first to go public with his status, undeterred by the stoning to death of fellow activist, Gugu Dlamini.
“We started off as friends and developed feelings for each other. Because of my work around HIV, I was not afraid but was worried about how long he would live,” Nompumelelo said.
Mashaphu said the anticipation of grief and caring for an HIV positive partner was one of the most disturbing challenges among her patients.
The same concern was shared by Nompumelelo’s mother as well as the possibility of her daughter being infected. But as a church bishop, her faith and support for her daughter led her to accept Oziel.
“We want others to be accepted and not judged for loving an HIV-positive person. We want to start support groups for couples like us – who are more common than you think – to have a place to talk about their challenges because there is currently no intervention available to them,” Oziel said.
For the couple, life is no longer about how long Oziel will live, but about enjoying a happy and fulfilling life and growing old together.
Daily News