Ingrid Shevlin and I called it the restaurant with no name. We’d both driven past on numerous occasions late last year and noticed a new restaurant on the site of the old Jimmy’s Killer Prawns, on the corner of Musgrave and St Thomas roads. But there was no signage.
“So when are we going to hit the restaurant with no name?” she’d ask. And then the festive season got in the way.
When we finally got there, the boards were up. It’s called Zambeze, yes with an e at the end.
It bills itself as a Portuguese restaurant, a seafood restaurant and an African restaurant. It’s also halaal. It’s a combination I don’t quite understand.
I think Ingrid’s interest stemmed from our memories of her stinging review of Jimmy’s when it first opened – and she was hoping for a step up. Well, I’m not sure much has changed.
There are two eating areas here. And there’s a children’s play area in-between.
We were shown to a large sparsely furnished dining room and seated at the end of a table for six. There were no smaller options.
It’s brightly lit, so much so that we could see our reflections in the plastic tablecloths. The sop to décor are some painted red pebbles impressed into one wall, and a pile of kiddies’ jungle-gym-type apparatus in the corner.
As we paged through the sticky plastic menu, our waitress asked if we wanted drinks. It seemed a lime and soda was not possible, and we were not entirely sure if it was because it was not stocked or because our waitress had not heard of it before. We settled on bottled water.
Well, the only really Portuguese thing about the menu is that there are a lot of prawns. And combos. They come in duos, trios, fours and family packs.
These may include any of prawns, calamari, hake, ribs, chops, steak or chicken. A family at the next table were munching on just such a platter of protein to the sounds of clack, clack, clack coming from the kiddies’ soccer machine in the next room.
Starters might include any number of ways with grilled prawns, or calamari. Predictably there are chicken livers, and giblets, and chicken strips making an appearance. There are prawn spring rolls and cone crab – I didn’t ask – and even haloumi strips.
Ingrid opted for three queen prawns in lemon butter. These were sorry-looking things, certainly not queen prawns, drenched in what might best be described as some sort of hot lemony mayonnaise. She struggled through them.
I opted for cheesy prawns, six prawns served in a snail plate and gratinated under a thick vaguely cheesy sauce. They were pleasant enough.
For mains, Ingrid enquired about the line fish. What was it? The waitress didn’t know, but said she wouldn’t recommend it.
She suggested the hake. Further enquiries saw her bringing out a piece of raw white fish to the table. Still unsure as to its pedigree, Ingrid ordered the kingklip. With a lemon and garlic sauce.
It came with chips, rice and veg. Well, the fish was uninspiring, the sauce gloopy, and the chips cold and straight out of a packet. The “grey” creamed spinach was inedible.
It certainly wasn’t worth the R140 price tag. After all, that was what the superb line fish I had late last year at Maritimo’s cost – and it was chalk and cheese.
I opted for the tandoori chicken, having been assured it was a proper tandoori. I also asked for a roti, which somehow put the kitchen into a bit of a frenzy because I was asked three times if I wanted chips with it.
Well, what came certainly wasn’t a proper tandoori, but grilled chicken smothered in a thick tandoori sauce. And the roti was a miserable little thing.
The chicken was dry and achingly hot. There’s a name for that sort of heat. It is not printable in a family newspaper. And, yes, there were more of those dreadful chips.
At this point we decided to cut our losses and asked for the bill. It’s truly sad when the best thing about the food were the peppermints that came with the bill,
Zambeze
Address:225 St Thomas Road, Berea
Phone:031 201 2626/4
Open: Daily lunch and dinner
But all was not lost. The evening was saved with a quick pop into Café 1999 for dessert and coffee. We found a cosy table for two in the corner of a packed restaurant.
Ingrid loves her milk puddings so the moment a pannacotta comes on to the radar, her eyes lit up.
This was a beautiful silky one, served with a pistachio crumble and rose water ice cream. I wanted to call it Turkish delight ice cream. I’d had it once before and really enjoyed it.
I went for the pear and red wine tarte tatin, served with blue cheese ice cream. It was another winning combination, washed down with an excellent espresso.
Thanks, Marcelle Roberts, for saving the day – again.
Café 1999
Address: Silvervause Centre, Silverton Road. Berea
Phone:031 202 3406
Open: Monday to Friday lunch, Monday to Saturday dinner