How to be big and beautiful
By Jabulile Ngwenya
It's raining in Newtown, Johannesburg's art and cultural district. Five full-figured women are busy rehearsing their lines.
An energetic Napo Masheane directs them, helping them get their lines right for her play about big women, Fat Black Women Sing. The cast take time out to speak about issues facing big women.
| 'He all of a sudden wants to change you and your body' |
"If you have an older boyfriend it's awkward when you take them to functions because they don't really fit in," she says candidly.
The feisty Nomsa Buthelezi, the star of Vodacom's latest advert featuring a voluptuous female metro police officer who falls in love with a taxi driver, agrees with Zungu that relationships are tricky terrain.
"It's one thing when a man tells you he likes you, but quite another, when in a relationship, he all of a sudden wants to change you and your body."
The play centres around issues all women face: sexuality, health, food, self-esteem, dieting, men and relationships.
| 'I'm not ashamed of being big - I love my body, my breasts, and my thighs!' |
Taking on the role of a lesbian struggling with her identity in the play, Buthelezi says: "This play came at the right time for me; it has always been my dream to work with Napo Masheane.
"The play talks to me about my life, even though I am not a lesbian. It speaks to me. I'm not ashamed of being big - I love my body, my breasts, and my thighs!"
It is hard to believe her when she says she is actually a shy person. Wearing big yellow earrings, which swing as she speaks, Buthelezi epitomises a strong, confident woman. But she says it was not always so.
She says the time when she just started out as an actress in a world inhabited by skinny women was traumatic. She struggled to accept her body and didn't feel comfortable in the world.
"I told my dad I didn't want to act anymore," Buthelezi recalls. "He told me if I stopped it would be the end of me and some people would be happy to see me fail." She pauses for thought.
"That was when I felt the most uncomfortable in my life. I stayed home for about a year - I didn't even leave the house. I hated myself for being big. I had no friends or a boyfriend," she says.
Self-acceptance, Buthelezi says, is very important. She doesn't deny how difficult it can be, saying that she has tried everything to lose weight, but nothing worked for her.
Frank about her relationship with food, she says: "I love food, but I'm afraid of eating in public. I worry about what people think when they see me eating a lot of food. Sometimes I starve for a day because of that."
When she is not busy acting, Buthelezi spends time with her two children. "I love being a mother. Having my children jump on me is the best thing."
Her turning point finally came while acting in The Toilet. "There was a certain moment when I was sitting on the chair, and the spotlight was on me," Buthelezi says with a smile. "That was the moment I thought, 'South Africa, here I come.'"
Singer Tumelo Moloi says being big can be a painful experience. "It has been very tough for me. It's difficult to mix with skinny people and talk about my body because they also judge you," she says. "With big people, I can talk about what happens to me."
It is surprising to realise that what may be perceived as normal, is seen as fat by another. An ex-model, pianist Sheilah Katende felt this when she deemed too fat to model.
"I went from a skinny person's perspective to a fat person's perspective and have found big people to be the most beautiful and real people," Katende says.
Zungu doesn't care what people think of her. "I love myself. I am a Christian and believe we are all wonderfully made; we are all different and special."
The play deals with the paradox big African women face today.
"In our African past, big was beautiful and a sign of wealth," Buthelezi says, "but today, with issues such as heart disease and diabetes, big isn't healthy - it means something is wrong with you."
While Buthelezi says she hasn't experienced any health problems, she and other members of the cast emphasise the importance of being aware of what you eat and taking care of yourself.
Buthelezi, who dreams of seeing big women lead "just for once", and writing a play, has a message for all big women: "Take out that beautiful dress hidden at the back of your closet and wear it. Go out there and let everyone know you are here."
Director's stake
Director Napo Masheane talks about the inspiration behind the play
"There is enough space for everyone to shine," Napo Masheane says with a smile.
The creator of Fat Black Women Sing, Masheane is a poet, playwright, producer, actress and director.
Speaking about the play, which took her a year to complete - and is still an ongoing process - Masheane says: "I wanted to write a story about big women and their thoughts about sex, food and self-esteem, because they are also beautiful.
She was inspired by Grace Nicholl's poetry to write the play.
"Most women in my family are big," she says with candour. She wants to challenge perceptions of what beauty is because there is not one form of beauty.
"What beauty is," she says, "is defined by television and the world's perception of 'big' is different to my perception that big is beautiful because I always thought it was normal."
Masheane says she has "never seen big women on the stage in this country, nor black women talking about sexuality, men, lovers, and more. I felt South African theatre needed a new type of theatre: something new, fresh and controversial."
Each character, says Masheane, has a story to tell.
"While they are all individuals, they have 'bigness' and eating in common, and they are big in different ways.
"I wanted to question why we say someone is fat. I wanted to ask: Is it okay being fat when I've tried everything from dieting to gym?"
Masheane addresses issues such as feelings of shame the women might have felt as children and the emotional process they go through.
"Some women don't know how to express their emotions and think thoughts like 'What if my mother didn't love me?' They hate themselves and wonder 'What difference does it make if I am big, the way I am?'"
She points out that some women don't understand why they are eating so much.
"I believe the bigger you get, the more you lose your self-esteem - but this isn't the case for everyone," she says.
The play also brings up health issues. "I wanted people to think about the health consequences of being big, such as heart disease and diabetes," says Masheane.
"I wanted to talk about what difference it makes if you go to the gym but don't follow the correct diet." She concludes: "Things are not always the way you see them."
- This article was originally published on page 15 of The Star on February 20, 2009
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