"First no whites allowed to enter the accountancy Olympiad, next no whites allowed in public toilets," cried my friend Pete.
"What are you on about?" I asked.
"It's the thin edge of the wedge," claimed Pete. He was talking about the ruling that barred white pupils at 40 Free State schools from taking part in an accountancy Olympiad. The father of the only white child at Welkom High School has objected bitterly.
"Man, it's just to encourage blacks to become accountants," I explained. "Why should whites be the only little grey men who drink a boring brand of beer?"
But Pete was adamant that the "no whites" restriction would swiftly spread to other walks of life. "Do you remember the days when public toilets had notices that said 'whites only', and blacks had separate facilities?" he asked.
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I said I certainly did, though the public convenience in Queen Victoria Street, Cape Town, had separate entrances which led to the same urinal. At least you could relieve yourself there side by side with black friends, even if you left separately.
"You watch, they will start putting 'blacks only' on toilet entrances, and we'll have to use separate facilities," predicted Pete.
"I don't believe that for a moment," I said.
"And there will be white quotas at universities, like they used to have black quotas," said Pete.
"All right, I believe that," I said.
"And a lot of jobs will be reserved for blacks only."
"Well, quite a few already are," I agreed.
"We whites will also be called temporary sojourners, given permits to be migrant workers if we can find any jobs open to us, and encouraged to return to the countries of our forebears, even if they arrived here 300 years ago."
"Now you are going too far, Pete. Those countries would never have us all back."
"I wouldn't really mind having separate facilities," confessed Pete. "So long as they were equal. For instance, I wouldn't mind sitting on park benches that said 'non-blacks' or travelling on trains that put us whites at the back, or being sent to prisons with cells that said 'no whites'. I'm quite broadminded that way."
"What about blacks-only theatres and cinemas?" I asked.
"They could put us whiteys upstairs, so that we can pour our cool drinks down on their heads, like they used to do to us," enthused Pete, warming to the theme. Suddenly he seemed to be looking forward to a blacks-only country.
"And how would you feel if they stopped you even dancing with black women, because you were a non-black person?" I asked. "That's what we did to them."
"I wouldn't miss it," said Pete. "You know, for a province that once refused to allow couples to lie closer than 30 centimetres from each other at the local all-white swimming pools, the Free State is ahead of its time. Why should a white kid be allowed to take part in a blacks-only Olympiad? It'll only give her ideas above her station, especially if she wins it."
"But what about the toilets?" I reminded him.
"I don't mind using separate toilets at all," said Pete. "In fact, to be completely honest, I prefer them."
- This article was originally published on page 12 of Cape Times on August 29, 2007
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