Former policeman Marius van der Westhuizen, on trial for the murder of his three children, told the Cape High Court that he was not himself the night he shot them.
"I was not Marius that night," he said.
However, he said that he was prepared to accept responsibility for his actions that night.
Although he could not remember what had happened, the person who fired the fatal gunshots could have been no one else but himself, he said.
Van der Westhuizen was under cross-examination for a sixth day yesterday before Judge Willem Louw.
His attorney, Milton de la Harpe, was expected to question him further today.
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At the beginning of the trial he initially pleaded guilty to the murders but the State rejected his plea.
He now claims that he suffered from post traumatic stress disorder as a result of work stress and that he had severe depression as a result of years of alleged emotional abuse from his wife.
He also claims that his wife's conduct during the marriage provoked him.
State advocate Mornay Julius questioned him about his guilty plea and asked what had changed since then.
Van der Westhuizen responded that further information came to light which indicated that "I was not Marius that night".
He said that, at the time of the plea, he could not remember the shooting but was prepared to accept responsibility because it could not have been anyone else but himself.
"I blame myself despite the fact that I can't remember.
"I didn't know that I had shot them but I blame myself," he said, adding that it was his service pistol which was used in the shooting.
He said he had decided to plead guilty because he was remorseful and did not want to waste the court's time.
In addition, he also did not want to put his wife, Charlotte, and their respective families through any further trauma, the court heard.
"But I accept responsibility for what I did. That is why I am standing here today.
"I am in the court's hands," he said.
Van der Westhuizen added that he could not explain why he only shot the children and left his wife unharmed.
"But I thank Jesus Christ that I did not shoot her.
"It's not something one asks for. It's just something that happened," he said.
Charlotte has not attended the proceedings to listen to his evidence.
Earlier in the day, Van der Westhuizen also told the court about the stress he experienced in his work as a policeman.
He said that he often "ran around like a headless chicken" at work and had come face to face with criminals in the line of duty.
The crime scenes he had attended were "shocking", he said, adding that he frequently had flashbacks and nightmares about them.
He denied that he was attempting to use his work stress to shift the blame away from himself.
The trial continues.
fatima.schroeder@inl.co.za
- This article was originally published on page 6 of Cape Argus on March 05, 2009
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