QUESTION: MY daughter is overweight and is being teased by other kids about it. I’m thinking of putting her on a diet, although when I mentioned it to my husband he nearly hit the roof. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be fat among a group of girls.
When I was her age I was overweight, too, and no one talked to me about it. I used to be mocked and avoided doing sports as much as possible. By the time I was in my late teens, my weight had really ballooned and it was only in my mid-twenties that I got it under control.
My daughter has always been chubby but I thought it would fall away as she got older. Now she is 11 and next year will be heading to a mixed secondary school where I think it will be harder on her.
I have always made two suppers, one for myself and one for the rest of the family. They don’t like the food I eat, usually low calories and lots of salads.
I only realised she was being teased when we passed a group of girls from her school who made a comment about her weight. I was furious and stopped to tell them off. My daughter was mortified and told me I had made it worse by causing a scene.
She told me this had been going on for over a year. I’m both horrified that I never knew and heartbroken that she has put up with this in silence for so long. I suggested we talk to her school about it when they go back, but she doesn’t want me to say anything.
In many ways it brought back all the bad memories of the teasing I got, and I know it can get so much worse.
Since she didn’t want me to tackle the bullies, I suggested she could lose some weight so they would have nothing to tease her about. She just went quiet and said she didn’t want to talk about it.
Since then she changes the subject if I bring it up. Her appetite appears to have fallen away at home in the past week. I spoke to her granny where she eats two days a week, and she said she is eating around her.
Maybe it sounds like I’m creating a problem, but I know how cruel girls can be when you are overweight. I can only say my life changed completely when I lost the weight, and I wish I had done it years earlier.
ANSWER: It’s hard to separate how much this is an issue for you or a problem that’s affecting your daughter. No child wants their parent to create a fuss. At that age, all they want is to be like everyone else and fit in. I’m not saying it’s wrong to intervene, but do try to listen to her needs and fears.
Frankly, being overweight as an 11-year-old child today is fairly common. It’s estimated that one-in-four children of primary school age is either overweight or obese. There’s no question that obesity in childhood can be the cause of serious health problems in adulthood, ranging from diabetes and heart problems to cancer.
However, how you tackle this will be crucial to your child’s health and, most important, her attitude on body image and food. Be careful how you go about this.
There are a number of reasons why children are overweight. Physical activity is hugely important for all of us, particularly for children. Simple as it sounds, many of us were allowed much more freedom as kids to muck about and create our own fun. There’s no doubt that increased parental fear caused by society’s obsession with predatory adults and paedophiles has limited the space in which children can run around.
A recent study on physical activity found only 10 percent of secondary school pupils were receiving the recommended PE practice. If primary school children are avoiding physical exercise it will only get worse as they move into their teens.
How much physical exercise does your daughter get? Sometimes classes enforced by schools can be difficult for the unsporty or overweight child. It would help if you could find an activity outside school that she enjoys and discovers she can be good at. Approach the issue as broadly as possible, and look at what extra-curricular activities there are in your area.
Children can develop weight problems by witnessing a parent’s attitude towards food. By cooking two different suppers you are sending out mixed signals to your daughter. She may naturally prefer to go for the high-carb, high-calorie supper, but it’s up to you to ensure her meal is a balanced one with all the basic nutrients she needs.
To her eyes, you may appear to be the one with the food issues. Since you have spent so much time worrying about your own weight, your daughter will have absorbed this, and not necessarily in a healthy way. Rather than suddenly inflicting a diet of salads and low calories on the family, try mixing them together.
Get your husband on-board with the aim of generally improving the whole family’s nutritional intake.
Does the family eat supper together? This is important both from a routine perspective and as a bonding exercise for the family. Supper can become a time you get to share the day’s experiences with each other. If she sometimes eats in front of the TV or a computer screen, bring the habit to an end.
Proposing that an 11-year-old child goes on a diet just seems wrong. You could set her up for a lifetime of issues with food and body image. If she is worryingly obese, consult with your GP. They can do tests to assess if there are any underlying issues.
It sounds like she is already developing issues with food at home if she is eating with her grandmother. Eating all around you one day and having nothing the next is certainly not a healthy practice.
Just because you have had a battle with your weight does not mean that your daughter will go through the same. Ensuring healthy meals and plenty of physical activity will go a long way to tackling her size. Don’t confuse your issues with hers. – Irish Independent