While society puts great importance on family life and parenting, thousands of fathers are denied access to their children and those with the means spend thousands of rands in their quest to become hands-on dads.
And the problem is worldwide. Pressure groups of aggrieved fathers abound internationally, one of the most vocal and visible being Fathers 4 Justice, a British civil rights group campaigning for justice and equality in family law for children, their parents and grandparents.
"Children growing up without fathers, mothers and grandparents are a social catastrophe waiting to happen," says the organisation in its manifesto.
With headquarters in the United Kingdom, Fathers 4 Justice (F4J) is active in several other countries too, including South Africa.
Now Durban father Dr Asif Suleman will be opening a F4J chapter in KwaZulu-Natal and is calling on fathers, as well as other interested parties, to contact him.
The organisation is relevant to anyone who is prevented from seeing their children, including grandparents.
Suleman's story is typical of many fathers worldwide who are denied access to their offspring. Divorced, he is allowed no contact with his 16-month-old daughter and he says it's heart-breaking.
"I have spent nearly R400 000 trying to get access," he says.
"That includes fees paid to lawyers, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists and converting my flat to a child-proof home on instruction by the court. And still I cannot see my daughter.
"I believe family law in South Africa favours mothers. It is not a case of who is the best parent. In many cases, fathers are denied access and only by spending vast amounts of money on lawyers and social workers can they get that access. People without the financial means have no chance."
Suleman believes that there is strength in numbers and he is calling on other fathers - as well as family lawyers, social workers, politicians and other interested parties to join the KZN chapter of Fathers 4 Justice to create a strong pressure group.
With 52 percent of South African marriages ending in divorce and only 40 percent of second marriages surviving, he believes that there are many fathers who are denied access to children who could swell the organisation's ranks and benefit from its resources.
Dr Steven Pretorius, founder of the South African branch of F4J, who has given up a career as a doctor to focus on the fight for fathers' rights, says: "It is not until you are in this situation that you find yourself up against a whole range of false assumptions regarding the needs of the child."
The traditional divorce arrangement of sole residency to one parent and four to six days a month contact with the other, is not healthy for many children and can be psychologically destructive.
"Arguments about conflict between parents and the disruption of the child's routine are used by spiteful parents (usually mothers) to deny the other parent meaningful contact with the child.
"Even false charges of child abuse are laid against the other parent to bedevil contact. This is all a power struggle and the child is the one who suffers the most.
"We at F4J believe in the child's right to equal access and opportunity with both parents, the right to be guided and nurtured by both parents, the right to have major decisions made by the application of both parents' wisdom, judgment and experience. The child does not forfeit these rights when both parents divorce."
F4J has written an open letter to Nelson Mandela in which it says: "Most fathers don't have the financial means to 'fight' for their children and are forced to give up and walk away, dispossessed, financially ruined and broken by the system. Fathers feel rejected, desperate and all they want is to be living, caring parents."
F4J would like to see judges issued with a directive that shared parenting should be the starting point of all divorces, that mediation be ordered in all disputed divorces, that divorcing parents be required to negotiate a responsible parenting plan in the interests of the children, that contact orders be vigorously enforced by the authorities and that where a parent persists in breaching these orders, custody will be awarded to the other parent.
- Dr Asif Suleman can be contacted at 082 777 5577, strictly between 6pm and 7pm.
- See also www.fathers-4-justice.co.za