Dear Prudie,
My two-year-old son is enrolled in a daycare programme run by a woman who works from her home, along with two assistant teachers.
The head teacher is very warm, and I'm confident that my son's emotional needs are being met.
However, the programme is very informal: The kids basically spend all day playing independently (though there are the usual stories and songs, etc.) and aren't actively taught new skills.
My mother is extremely concerned that this lack of a formal child-development-oriented programme is holding my son back. The way she describes it, it seems like all the other two-year-olds she meets are debating current events and solving algebra problems, while my son sits around all day with a chew toy and a ribbon of drool hanging from his chin.
My parents have offered to help cover the costs of the “fancier” daycare in the area that I can't afford, but they can't afford it either! Should I be investing more in my son's development? And if I'm doing the right thing, how do I get my mother to back off?
Tired of This Mommy War
Dear Tired,
How lucky your son is filling the job description of a two-year-old, which involves some drooling, some playing with toys, some interacting with friends, some singing and listening to books, and most of all some exploring his little world. The daycare sounds warm and nurturing, so you should feel confident in your choice.
Your letter brings up my fear that in our madness to make sure even our youngest children get ahead, we are ruining both education and childhood.
The word kindergarten means “children's garden,” and it was originally conceived of as a time of play, discovery and socialization.
Now we have pushed academics to the kindergarten level and below, making children sit still when they should be moving, and forcing them to master skills for which their minds and bodies are not ready.
Your mother is right about one thing: Children are learning machines and it starts in infanthood. But if you were home full-time with your child you wouldn't be drilling him on how to defeat ISIS or asking him to solve quadratic equations. Children learn by having a chance to figure out the qualities of sand, how swings feel, and what happens when you stack a really high tower of blocks.
Sure you would be introducing letters and numbers to him, but in a low-key, natural way (“Can you bring me two sticks?” “Let's sing the alphabet song!”). As for how you handle your mother, it's easy to ignore her empty financial offers, and if she's whiny and persistent, as the mother of a toddler you should know the benefits of a time out.
Prudie
Washington Post/Slate
* Emily Yoffe is an advice columnist, using the name Prudence. Please send your questions for publication to [email protected]. Questions may be edited.