How to give the best party ever

For William and Kate's wedding, she arranged the Buckingham Palace reception after the Westminster Abbey ceremony, and is the royal go-to for everything celebratory, small or large.

For William and Kate's wedding, she arranged the Buckingham Palace reception after the Westminster Abbey ceremony, and is the royal go-to for everything celebratory, small or large.

Published May 2, 2016

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London - Word has come from on high, from an impeccable and regal source, about how to deal with one of the burning social issues of the day.

When throwing a party, what the heck do you do with the bores?

“Put them all at the same table. They don’t realise they are bores, so they are happy. It is my best tip,” says Lady Elizabeth Anson.

It is more than that, it is sheer genius - but what else would we expect from the British Queen’s favourite party planner?

There is little that Lady Elizabeth Anson doesn’t know about entertaining. From her Party Planners business, the bouffant-haired expert to the aristocracy has thrown unforgettable events for everyone from Baroness Thatcher to Sir Mick Jagger, the Clintons, Tom Cruise and, of course, the Royal Family.

Lady Elizabeth, 74, is the sister of late photographer Lord Lichfield and a cousin of the Queen.

Therefore, she is someone HM trusts and has organised hundreds of events for Buckingham Palace, including one single party to celebrate Prince William’s 18th, the Princess Royal’s 50th and Princess Margaret’s 70th.

For William and Kate’s wedding, she arranged the Buckingham Palace reception after the Westminster Abbey ceremony, and is the royal go-to for everything celebratory, small or large.

 

Twitterverse, meet Elizabeth Anson: the Queen's event producer, & inventor of the RSVP card. https://t.co/Lj1jDhJrO8 pic.twitter.com/Pylo6UQUS3

— Boom Goes The Drum (@boomgoesthedrum) April 28, 2016

 

“The Queen is the most meticulous host,” she says. “She checks every dining room setting, every flower, every guest bedroom and always chooses her own menu. We could all learn something from that.”

We could, couldn’t we? Negotiating our path through the shifting sands of modern party etiquette is a nightmare. Be you host or be you guest, attending anything from a birthday party to a wedding reception, it is a minefield out there.

Indeed, Lady E is keen to stress that both guest and host have their duties. In particular, she applauds those who “have the taste of the gods, by which I mean there is no vulgarity”.

Gulp! Here, Lady Elizabeth and other well-heeled party experts share their entertaining secrets.

 

Invites are so tacky

The first rule of invitations is that they should never be called invites.

Invitations set the tone - if it looks cheap, then guests will think you are cheap. They won’t turn up because they think that you are going to serve acidic wine and unspeakable sausages.

Yet there are limits. Lady Elizabeth balked when a client once wanted her to use “save the date” notes embossed with Swarovski crystals, which cost £2 500 (about R52 000) a card.

She rightly dismissed this nonsense as a vulgarity.

Formal invitations must be sent out three to four weeks in advance - even longer for very important events. If you receive an invitation for an event just two weeks hence, it means you are a second and possibly third choice.

Invitations are not necessary for informal parties - that’s too “try-hard”. Online invitations - such as those designed by New York company Paperless Post - are surprisingly chic and not to be sniffed at.

 

Don’t be square

Round dining tables are best because they are less formal, and you don’t have to decide who sits at the head, says Lady E.

She despairs that the Downton Abbey dining table was incorrectly laid with a cloth (“a well-polished table was a butler’s pride and joy”) but is not against them per se.

Round dining plates, please, never square. William Sitwell, the posh BBC MasterChef judge and editor of Waitrose Food magazine, calls square plates “an abomination”.

There was a moment when it was cool to serve cocktails in jam jars, but that moment has passed.

Good lighting is essential to set the mood and can help break up a large room.

Flowers are a must, and the Duchess of Cambridge spent £385 on a cherry blossom arrangement by celebrity florist Simon Lycett for her Obama dinner last week.

Socialite and interior designer Nicky Haslam says that guests should “gasp” when they walk into your room - hopefully with delight.

 

Hide the bores

Put them all on the same table. That way, says Lady Elizabeth, they won’t detract from the more sparkling guests. Polite wedding planners call it the “sedate table”.

In their glorious seclusion, bores can happily bang on all night about any of the following: film plots, the next James Bond, that dream you had last night, exotic holidays you have enjoyed, how rich you are, how brilliant your children are and the Great British Bake Off.

Many of us might suspect we are already on the bores table, but how can you tell? Being seated between Paddy Ashdown and Charlotte Church is a major clue.

 

As for seating plans more generally, never put spouses next to each other (as Americans tend to). They are stuck talking to each other every other night of the week and will be grateful for a break.

 

Serve up sausages

Forget crayfish dipped in aioli wrapped in prosciutto, there is no better canape than a hot (not piping please) honey and mustard cocktail sausage.

Indeed, Lady Elizabeth is not keen on any of that fancy gourmet nonsense. “A party with good table wine and good pasta... can be just as much of a success as one with Krug [champagne], caviar, oysters and lobster. It’s not about expensive ingredients. It’s about people.”

That is true - up to a point. Many of us could quite happily put up with a dreary tray bake if we were sitting between Poldark and Hugh Jackman, but what are the chances?

Simple things done well are the key. The Soho House Group, who throw parties for Bafta and Oscar gatherings, suggest that “unfussy and plentiful is better than fancy and rationed”. For large, sit-down gatherings, they put big pies down the middle of the table (“everyone loves a pie”) and serve with bowls of peas.

 

Perfect tipples

If you are serving sauvignon rank instead of sauvignon blanc, chill it down to Arctic levels - it won’t taste nearly so bad.

Don’t go mad and stock a full bar of spirits and mixers, instead consider serving a signature cocktail, possibly two.

American lifestyle guru Martha Stewart suggests three drinks, three fresh glasses and three napkins per person for a two-hour party.

Believe it or not, there is such a thing as over-catering on booze. Lady Elizabeth once supplied so much champagne at a Rolling Stones party that guests lobbed full bottles into the River Thames.

Meanwhile, socialite Lady Diana Cooper once said that the real secret to a good party is “too much to drink and a chocolate pudding”.

 

Let’s entertain you

Fancy dress. Must you? If you want Rupert Everett to turn up as a Masai warrior or have Prince Harry and Ed Balls on your doorstep dressed as Nazis, then go ahead.

Themed fancy dress parties are easier for guests to negotiate, with the Great Gatsby, Alice In Wonderland and Bad Taste all popular.

Lady Elizabeth is keen on entertainment, such as sideshows, magicians and stilt walkers.

“Especially if there is no formal dinner and no formal introductions, you need to have a lot going on,” she says. That way, guests who are lonely or shy can “have a conversation with the performers”.

 

Keep your cool

Someone famous has just walked into the party as if he was walking onto a yacht. What do you do? First, you must keep calm.

On no account! Do The Meerkat, a move that entails standing up and peering to get a better look. Please, I beg of you, do not behave like a fool or a stalker, even if you are both.

A friend was once so starstruck at seeing Heather Mills at a gathering that he went over to her table and said: “Hello, Stella.” Not good.

The golden rule is to keep your cool. On no account get out your phone and beg for a selfie. Surreptitious snaps are also bad form. Do not approach the star with a bottle of champagne and two glasses, and start crying about how brilliant he or she was in their last film.

 

Gaudy is great

Good taste… is a matter of taste. At Simon Cowell’s 50th birthday party, the waiters wore Cowell face masks, bread rolls spelled out his name and guests were entertained by semi-naked trapeze artists and dancing girls in pink glitter vagina costumes - but sometimes bad taste is so awful it shades into the good.

Nicky Haslam says that too much good taste can be stifling. “Less is not more. Opulence, fake or real, is key.”

Meanwhile, these days it is good taste to accommodate your gluten-free guests. If you forget to do so, it is bad taste for them to sulk.

 

Modern manners

There’s a conundrum for dinner parties today, what with everyone getting up between courses to smoke, vape, check their emails, tweet and call the babysitter.

Good guests should focus on the meal, switch off their phones, stay put and be pleasant until the end. Anything else spoils the rhythm of the evening. But even royals find this a stretch.

Lady Elizabeth revealed that the Queen has concerns about her grandchildren when it comes to dinner parties.

“She said she found it really difficult because they didn’t know how to talk to each other,” she said.

Lady E said the Queen went on to explain: “I suppose it’s because they’re always getting up and down and helping someone and putting something in a dishwasher or whatever they’re doing, because they don’t have enough staff.”

 

When it’s time to go

Fashion designer Lulu Guinness has ‘Never Be The Last To Leave A Party’ embroidered on one of her bags. And you certainly don’t want to still be fast asleep on the host’s sofa at lunchtime the next day.

When it comes to hosts wrapping things up, Lady Elizabeth’s advice is to quit while you are ahead. Call time when there are about 20 guests left on the dance floor.

“If you let it peter out, it’s death,” she said. “I made one mistake in the whole of my career, which was being persuaded to restart the band. It was a flop.”

Daily Mail

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