‘I’m worried that my husband is gay’Comment on this story
QUESTION: My husband’s first sexual experience was with a man. He says it was simply youthful experimentation and he has only ever been attracted to women since. We have been married 26 years and our sex life has always been fantastic, but recently he has been increasingly flirty with men, particularly two gay friends. Am I wrong to feel insecure?
ANSWER: You would not feel wobbly after many years of marriage unless your husband was in some way being insensitive.
Which is not to say he’s guilty of any greater offence. It probably doesn’t occur to him that you might feel anxious about these friendships when you have so much happy history together.
Most men I know feel that if they’re enthusiastic in the bedroom, then they’re offering sufficient reassurance to their partners. I have some sympathy for this point of view. Few things are so bolstering in a marriage as mutual displays of desire.
The fact your love life is still good is as strong an indication as any that your husband has no desire to take his friendships beyond flirtation. A gay man trapped in a heterosexual marriage is very unlikely to make enthusiastic love to his wife for 26 years.
Having said that, many people’s sexuality is more fluid than they admit. A man who once enjoyed a sexual encounter with another youth may feel a slight frisson in some of their later friendships.
This doesn’t mean he has any desire or intention to act upon these flirtations, simply that he’s warmly reminded of a meaningful bond from his youth.
Even so, there’s no harm in raising the matter, so long as you make it clear you’re not asking him to sever any links with his pals. He’s probably unaware that he sometimes can make you feel second best. Just tell him gently it’s disconcerting if he flirts too enthusiastically with anyone in front of you, male or female. - Daily Mail