A shocking 91 percent of men say they've been tempted to cheat. Why do some crumble and others stay true? Four men explain it all.
Tempted by... the girl at the bar
By Daniel Radosh
It had only been a week since Gina and I had shifted to "dating exclusively". But we weren't at the "spend all our time together" stage, so I was solo at a club one night when a friend pulled me aside to say the girl I'd been talking to was seriously into me.
That's always flattering, especially when the girl in question is the kind who inspires fantasies - straight blonde hair down to the small of her back and long, trim legs up to... well, everywhere you'd hope they'd go up to.
Later, as we sat together on a back stairway, questions filled my head. Would taking this girl home really be cheating? Gina and I had only been exclusive for a week - couldn't this woman be factored in?
And then there was a more pressing question: is this girl leaning in for a kiss? As her lips touched mine I could feel a steamy night in them, a wild weekend, a week of fun, maybe even a month.
And that's when I realised what it was that I felt in Gina's kisses: years. A lifetime. Eternity. Could I be wrong about that? Of course. But my gambler's instincts told me which number I wanted to put my chips on.
Our lips parted. "I probably shouldn't do this," I told the girl. "I'm seeing somebody." She folded her arms across her chest. "I'm not surprised."
I didn't see the girl again and I didn't mention her to Gina either. I never regretted my decision: not five years later when Gina and I got married, not six years later when our twins were born. Every kiss reminds me that when I placed my bet that night, the wheel landed on my number.
Tempted by... The threesome
By Brian Alexander
Many women think that in the right circumstances, every man will cheat. I'm here to prove that's a lie.
When I began dating my wife, we lived 2 000km apart and saw each other every few months. Even our no-dating-other-people conversation had happened by phone.
Despite the distance, I'd stayed true. It was an accomplishment - I'd tried to be monogamous before without success.
I'll be honest: I enjoyed dating. I liked the rush of meeting new women. But with every new relationship or short tryst, I felt like I handed over a chunk of myself to another person. I'd begun to worry that I didn't possess the key ingredients needed to stay true.
So this time, I vowed to make a stand, not just to save this fledgling relationship but myself, too. Maybe my self-righteousness doomed me to what happened next.
I met two women on a boat cruise. One was blonde. One was brunette. They both looked great in a bikini. Two months later, they phoned. Wouldn't it be fun if I came over to hang out? We could go out, just us three, and then return to their place, just us three, or just skip the night out and stay in.
My mind raced. I tried to find a loophole in the pact with my girlfriend. We hadn't said "no threesomes". And besides, how binding was a phone conversation?
Whether or not to dive into a night with the cruise girls had nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. Could I ever grow up? The scales were pretty equally balanced.
So I took their number and said I'd call later. For two days I was haunted by that phone number. Finally, on Sunday, I picked up the phone, dialled and told my girlfriend, "You have no idea how much I love you."
Tempted by... A woman I won't get caught with
By Anonymous
I always thought that I was better than guys who pack away their wedding rings the minute they leave town. The truth is, I'm not. My behaviour has been so bad I don't even want to tell you my name.
Six years ago, I was invited to teach a few classes at a university. At the time I was living with a woman I loved but was pretty sure I'd never marry. Still, cheating was never on my mind.
During class, I kept catching the glance of a lithe brunette whose eyes seemed locked on me. She wasn't much younger than I was, but in this situation it just seemed wrong.
That night I ran into her in a bar. After a few drinks I said yes to her "Can you walk me home?" and yes again to "Want to come up?" I was in denial that I'd go through with it until the buttons came undone. The act was far less exciting than it should have been. Maybe it was guilt, or maybe it was just bad drunken sex.
Four years later, I'd moved on to another girlfriend, one I loved a lot more. Two years into our relationship, I was on business in Europe when I struck up a friendship with an American woman who suggested we miss a meeting and take a tour of Rome.
We ate pasta, drank wine, saw the Colosseum and drank more wine. Back at the hotel, I resisted for a while. Then, when we were alone at the pool, she took off her costume. It was all downhill from there.
On the flight home, I vowed that this would be the last time I'd cheat. But two years later on a trip to Canada, I cheated again. I could justify my behaviour: these women pursued me. But cheating is cheating.
My girlfriend and I did break up, but even now she believes I was faithful. She had no reason to think otherwise.
As I write this, I realise the old cliché might be true: if a guy won't commit, it's a warning sign. I like to think that I won't cheat again; that age has changed me.
The honest truth? I don't know.
Tempted by... The woman in line at the coffee bar
By John Godfrey
I often make eye contact with women and get the feeling that all it would take to start something would be to say hi. When I'm single, I don't hesitate. If I'm involved, the rules are different. An involuntary smile may surface, but that's all.
I learned my lesson a few years ago when I was in a long-term relationship with a woman who was smart and lovely. But we had entered the realm of the routine and I was feeling lonely and taken for granted. I had little gripes: I'd send notes to say how much I loved her, or bring her flowers, and she wouldn't respond in kind; sometimes she wouldn't even say thanks. After a while, I stopped making gestures altogether.
Then one day a beautiful woman was in line in front of me at the coffee bar. The first time she looked back at me it was reflexive, that thing you do when you sense somebody behind you. But then she tilted her head and looked back again. I made a joke and she laughed. We exchanged business cards. We emailed. I was honest about my relationship; she didn't care.
We decided to meet for a drink one night. Two and a half glasses of wine later, various forms of bodice ripping occurred. I felt exhilarated before and during our encounter; horrible immediately after. The moment I left her apartment, my thoughts turned to the lies I'd have to tell to cover my tracks: I obsessively fabricated stories to cover up for time spent with this woman.
"Who'd you have lunch with today?" I'd imagine my girlfriend asking. "I know that one!" I'd think. "I ate at my desk, tuna on rye, lemonade and a bag of chips." It became gruelling.
Ending the affair was surprisingly easy. I never got caught and I never confessed. Although my relationship ended a few years later, I don't think that my ill-advised tryst played any role.
It changed me, though.
Since then, I go out of my way to make sure both parties in a relationship feel valued. If I feel we're falling into a dip, I speak up. These conversations are better than planning fake lunches in my head. The new policy hasn't just made me faithful - it's made me happy.
Star Strays
- David Beckham had an embarrassingly public affair with former assistant Rebecca Loos in 2004. Rebecca was reportedly paid £350 000 (R4-million) for information on her affair with Becks, which included lewd SMSes and drunken hotel romps. The details were subsequently splashed across every tabloid in the world, yet Victoria elected to stand by her man.
- Foppishly handsome Hugh Grant was literally caught with his pants down when he cheated on Liz Hurley with prostitute Divine Brown. Although Liz was distraught, they remain close friends.
- In 2003, self-confessed sex addict Eric Benet finally pushed Halle Berry too far after cheating on her one too many times; she divorced him shortly afterwards. Eric attempted to bleed her for as much alimony as possible and even used his adopted daughter India, as a pawn in the negotiations. The audacity!
- Brad Pitt was accused of cheating on his then-wife Jennifer Aniston while filming Mr & Mrs Smith with Angelina Jolie. Ang and Brad were spotted holidaying together before the ink was dry on the divorce papers. An instant Pitt-Jolie family followed as Brad adopted Ang's children and in May the couple welcomed their own baby girl, Shiloh into the world.
- One of Celebville's most notorious philanderers, Jude Law was accused (and found guilty) of adultery by ex-wife, actress and designer Sadie Frost. In 2005 he cheated on fiancée Sienna Miller with his kids' nanny, Daisy Wright. Sienna and Jude are now an on/off item.
The faithfulness survey
GLAMOUR asked more than 100 men if they had ever been tempted to stray, and a whopping 91 percent said yes; 51 percent of those guys went on to cheat.
Why did they do it?
- Twenty-seven percent said she was irresistibly attractive.
- Seventeen percent said "I was flattered that she found me attractive."
- Twenty-eight percent gave their own reason, ranging from "She cheated on me, so it seemed fair," to "I was drunk at the time," and "I was about to end my relationship, so it wasn't really cheating, I figured."
- Fifteen percent were unhappy in their relationship.
- Thirteen percent did it because they knew they could get away with it
Why did the other 49 percent stay faithful?
- Thirty-three percent said "I truly love my partner and I made a commitment."
- Eighteen percent said they couldn't live with the guilt.
- Fourteen percent felt flirting itself was exciting enough.
- Twelve percent were afraid of getting caught.
- Twenty-three percent gave other reasons: "Sex is sex. If you have a good sexual partner, you don't need it elsewhere," said one. Another said, "It's not worth the hurt it would cause. How good could the sex be?"