Durban - Hollywood celebrities are known to have relationships filled with drama.
From Taylor Swift and her many break-ups to Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez’s notorious ‘on/off’ relationship and of course Rihanna and Chris Brown’s rollercoaster, we have seen it all.
We spoke to Rakhi Beekrum, a psychologist at eThekwini Hospital & Heart Centre, who defined the top three toxic relationships.
1 The Abuser
This person is demeaning and abusive (physically, emotionally or verbally).
Being in a relationship with an abusive partner can lead to decreased self-esteem and self-worth, as being constantly abused may lead someone to believe they are worthless. The abuser has a need to exert power over their partner and tries to control them. Many people remain in such relationships because of fear. Other reasons they may stay include convenience, financial dependence, the fear of not finding another partner or “for the children”.
2 The Narcissist
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and tend to believe the world revolves around them. Their significant relationships are imbalances as they take more than they give. Their relationships tend to focus on their needs, ignoring the needs of their partner. There is no empathy or consideration shown to the partner.
Such relationships can leave the partner feeling drained and insignificant. Many remain in such relationships because the narcissistic partner may look good in theory – good looks, successful, charming etc. They may feel that they will never meet someone else and may be afraid of loneliness.
3 The Control-Freak
This type of partner may try to control all aspects of your life, from dictating how you should dress to who you are allowed to be friends with. He/she often has a jealous streak and may question everything you do. Some people remain in such relationships because they mistake the control for attention and love. The danger of remaining in such a relationship is that you may lose yourself and your individuality as your actions are directed towards pleasing your partner.
How to let go of a toxic relationship
In order to get out of a toxic relationship, one has to recognise it as such, Beekrum says.
Many justify their partner’s behaviour and therefore stay, leading to further unhappiness.
So, reflect on your relationship to determine whether it is more nourishing or draining for you. Reflect on what your relationship needs are and think about whether these are being met in your relationship. Consider what needs, if any, your partner meets in your life. Think about how they make you feel.
Ask yourself whether you honestly believe that your partner will change for the better. If you believe that the relationship can be improved and is worth saving, then seek professional help to facilitate positive change. This will entail being clear about your needs and communicating them to your partner, asking whether they are prepared to make changes to benefit the relationship.
If you realise that it’s best to leave, it is useful to have a strong support system. Remind yourself that it takes two to make a relationship work, and regardless of how much you give, if your partner does not reciprocate, then you will never be happy.
If the toxic relationship has impacted on your self-esteem or individuality, consider psychotherapy to help you find what you want in life and to help you become whole again.
Celebs who have been in toxic relationships
Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez
The young lovers have been through so many break-ups with each other they could put Elizabeth Taylor’s seven marriages to shame. If they are not confirming ther break-up and unfollowing each other of Instagram and Twitter, they are posting pictures showing their rekindled love.
Minnie Dlamini & Itumeleng Khune
The stars have gone through just about everything. Khune and Dlamini ended things this year after Khune supposedly cheated on her. And who can forget Khune’s recent drama where he allegedly touched Bonang Matheba inappropriately.
Chris Brown & Rihanna
They were Hip Hop’s “it” couple until that explosive argument a night before the 2009 Grammys left Rihanna bruised and battered. In 2012 however the couple made up, but just for a few months.
Chris Brown & Karrueche Tran
Brown has been in an off and on relationship with model Karrueche Tran. Although they’ve been seen in public as a happy couple, Tran hinted in an Instgram post that not all was well between them.
Sunday Tribune