QUESTION: I’m jealous of my husband’s sister.
They were born ten months apart, and he calls her ‘my twin’. I feel excluded when she’s around. It doesn’t help that she flits from man to man, and stays with us when she’s having a crisis. My spouse’s first wife once said she had found it a problem, too. Am I over-reacting?
ANSWER: you are not over-reacting. A sibling can be more threatening than any number of exes. After all, you can ask your husband to stop seeing a former love, but you can’t demand the same of his sister.
Emotionally speaking, some family relationships overstep the mark. Occasionally, that intimacy spreads across an entire family and everyone else feels excluded from the in-jokes. Intense family bonds generally slacken when one sibling gets married, but it sounds like your husband and his sister have been interdependent for too long.
Your husband is culpable of insensitivity, but I’m sure he hasn’t set out to hurt you. It’s sweet that he swoons about his sister, although it’s unusual for things to be this intense.
My guess is, if your sister-in-law has never had a proper, sustained relationship, then she relies on her brother.
This would be just about OK, if she accepted the pecking order: spouses should rank above siblings in love and loyalty.
Put your foot down, but slowly - you don’t want her to turn against you. Tell your husband you love his sister, and she’s welcome in your house, but he must establish clear boundaries. The ‘twin’ chats should become three-way conversations.
Finally, be a bit sly. next time your sister-in-law announces she’s coming to stay, tell your husband, ‘Sorry, darling, I’ve booked us a romantic break that weekend’, then do exactly that.
And remember, when she does eventually find a partner, she’ll become less of a problem. - Daily Mail