QUESTION: After my divorce I had a lot of flings, but now I’ve met a man I want to stick with.
However, he’s just come out of a 26-year relationship and says he doesn’t wish to make a commitment. Instead, he wants to date several women. He says he really likes me and will review the situation in a year. Should I stick with it?
ANSWER: I suppose the one thing to be grateful for is that this man is unambiguous about his desire to play the field.
It’s easy enough for restless Romeos to take advantage and keep their options open, while not allowing their dates to do the same.
If your lover has mustered the courage to be upfront, it’s your duty to take his words seriously. He doesn’t want commitment and - to be brutally frank - hasn’t found you alluring enough to change his mind. That does not bode well.
Of course, some of this is about timing and the state this man’s heart is in. He’s clearly spent a great part of his adult life with one person, so the fact he’s yearning for erotic adventure is hardly beyond comprehension.
The question is whether you want to hang around. He’s told you he’ll “review the situation” in a year. But what if he decides he needs another year dallying, and another? And what guarantee would you have that he would choose you in the end?
That you’re on the verge of falling in love makes you vulnerable to heartbreak. The only way to protect yourself is to step back and hope he misses you.
If withdrawing seems too hard, why not say you don’t want to be lovers, but you’d like to stay friends. There’s something to be said, as a long-term courting strategy, for a sexless, flirtatious friendship. When romances fall by the wayside, you’ll be there as a valued person of his heart.
You’re ready for commitment, but he isn’t. It may be time to find someone who shares your sense of certainty.
Daily Mail