London - Who knows why Brad Pitt chose Angelina Jolie over Jennifer Aniston or why Helena Bonham-Carter prefers to live in a separate house to her long-term partner Tim Burton?
The course of true love is a complex combination of personality, circumstance, upbringing and timing, but an eminent US anthropologist claims to have uncovered a key secret to why some relationships work and others prove to be a little more tricky.
After 30 years of studying the science of romantic love, Dr Helen Fisher is convinced that attraction is closely linked to the chemistry of your personality type and how it matches - or clashes - with that of your chosen partner.
Dr Fisher’s research indicates we can be divided into four very different personality types - explorers, builders, directors and negotiators - based on the way our body produces and reacts to the brain chemicals dopamine and serotonin, and the hormones testosterone and oestrogen.
If dopamine tends to dominate your personality, she believes you will have a tendency to seek novelty. People in this group are termed explorers.
When serotonin dominates, the guiding personality traits tend to be calmness, loyalty, a fondness of rules and facts, and order. Because this group tend to be skilled at building social networks, she calls this group builders.
Those with high levels of testosterone (whether male or female) fall into a section called directors because they are direct, decisive, tough-minded, exacting and good at strategic thinking.
Finally, personalities dominated by the hormone oestrogen (again, this affects men and women) are dubbed negotiators because they are highly imaginative and empathetic, with great verbal and social skills as well as being adept at connecting disparate facts.
Dr Fisher believes we are all a combination of two personality types, but one will dominate, influencing our behaviour - including our choice of mate.
She says the success or failure of any relationship will depend to a great extent on how our dominating personality traits match, meet or clash with those of our partner.
“There will always be magic to love, but knowledge is power,” says Dr Fisher. “If you know who you are, what you seek and how you and others love, you can capture that magic, find and keep real love, and make your dreams come true.”
Use Dr Fisher’s quiz to identify your two dominant personality traits, determine who is your best match and why your relationships do - or don’t - work.
Read the statements and give them marks depending on whether you:
* strongly disagree (zero)
* disagree (one)
* agree (two)
* strongly agree (three).
Then add up your total score for each section. The two top scores indicate your primary and secondary personality types.
Explorer
1 I like unpredictable situations.
2 I act on the spur of the moment.
3 I get bored with familiar things.
4 I have a wide range of interests.
5 I am more optimistic than most.
6 I am more creative than most.
7 I look for new experiences.
8 I am always doing new things.
9 I am very enthusiastic.
10 I am willing to take risks.
Builder
1 I like consistent routines.
2 I respect authority.
3 I consider every option thoroughly before making a plan.
4 I enjoy planning a long way ahead.
5 I follow rules.
6 Taking care of my possessions is a high priority for me.
7 My friends and family would say I have traditional values.
8 I am meticulous in my duties.
9 I tend to be cautious.
10 People should behave in ways that are morally correct.
Director
1 I understand complex machines.
2 I enjoy competitive conversations.
3 I am intrigued by rules and patterns that govern systems.
4 I am analytical and logical.
5 I pursue intellectual topics.
6 I solve problems without emotion.
7 I like figuring out how things work.
8 I am tough-minded.
9 I enjoy a strong debate.
10 I have no trouble making a choice.
Negotiator
1 I like to know my friends’ feelings.
2 I highly value emotional intimacy.
3 I listen to my heart on decisions.
4 I frequently daydream.
5 I can change my mind easily.
6 After watching an emotional film, I feel moved by it hours later.
7 I have a vivid imagination.
8 I am very empathetic.
9 I get lost in my thoughts.
10 I feel emotions very deeply.
Explorers
Good traits: Explorers are flexible and generous with money, time and ideas. They are willing to take risks to enjoy new, intense and exhilarating adventures, and can be impulsive and uninhibited.
Bad traits: Their desire for adventure can lead to philandering. They tend to divorce more regularly than others.
Relationship advice: Use your creativity to bond with a negotiator, be patient with a builder, ignore competitive comments from a director and if you meet another explorer, revel in the excitement of finding a true playmate.
Builders
Good traits: Builders are pillars of society. Loyal and conscientious, they are conventional with a high sense of duty, respectability and proper moral conduct.
Bad traits: They feel they have a “right” way of doing things, which can appear stubborn.
Relationship advice: With an explorer, contain your questions. Ignore a director’s tendency to make quick decisions. Talk about yourself with a negotiator. Another builder will appreciate you for who you are.
Directors
Good traits: Directors are tough-minded and independent. They seek “intelligence” in a mate.
Bad traits: They can be outspoken and blunt, and are not particularly sociable. They can shun emotional connections with their love ones.
Relationship advice: Enjoy exploring ideas with an explorer. Let a negotiator examine all the angles of a discussion. Answer the builder’s questions. And if you’re with another director, don’t neglect love.
Negotiators
Good traits: Negotiators are unassuming, agreeable and intuitive. They love people and want to be liked. They are considerate, forgiving and diplomatic.
Bad traits They may be susceptible to depression. When betrayed, a negotiator can be unforgiving.
Relationship advice: If you’re dating an explorer, don’t take their charm seriously until you’re sure they’re interested in you. Remember that a builder is not asking you questions in order to criticise you. If you’re with a director, get to the point. If you’re dating another negotiator, avoid endless analysis of the relationship.
AND HOW DOES THE CHEMISTRY WORK?
In a study of nearly 30,000 people, Dr Fisher has confirmed her belief that serendipity has nothing to do with love - it is our biological temperament that steers us towards a particular personality type as a romantic partner.
Her study found:
* EXPLORERS are most likely to pick other explorers and least likely to choose directors.
* BUILDERS are most likely to opt for other builders and least likely to settle with negotiators.
* DIRECTORS are most likely to choose negotiators and least likely to fall for builders.
* NEGOTIATORS are most likely to choose directors. Female negotiators are least likely to choose explorers. Male negotiators are least likely to choose builders.
Statistically, explorers often have a tough time long-term with other explorers (these sensation-seekers are more likely to divorce).
The safe, loyal builder/builder combination is probably responsible for most of the world’s 50-year marriages.
Directors are tough-minded, direct, decisive, focused, technically skilled and competitive - all traits many negotiators need.
On the other hand, negotiators are socially skilled, talented with words, mentally flexible and compassionate - traits many directors need.
“There is no bad match,” says Dr Fisher. “Each type of partnership has different strengths and weaknesses - and a different combination of essential traits.” - Daily Mail
* EXTRACTED from Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher (Oneworld, £8.99).