How can I ask for foreplay?


QUESTION: My husband never gives me oral sex, despite him asking me to perform it on him several times a month. This wasn’t always the case and I do feel these things should be reciprocal. What can I do to encourage him?


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A fulfilling sex life will spill over into a fulfilling career, say researchers. Picture: Moeketsi Moticoe

ANSWER: Darn right these things should be reciprocal!

Few things are more galling than a lover who expects their other half to do all the giving. It’s bad-mannered of your spouse to expect you to pleasure him in bed without returning the same courtesy.

The key thing here is the fact your sex life wasn’t always like this. This would suggest your husband hasn’t got an aversion, per se, to this most intimate form of sexual contact (some men do).

Inexperienced or reticent souls can be turned off by eye-level connection with erogenous zones, which is fine if their partner is on the same page. In your case, however, an inequality exists.

I suspect this is a simple case of marital laziness.

This form of foreplay generally requires a certain amount of effort, which will not prove a problem if your man happens to be one of those Romeos whose greatest thrill comes from bestowing pleasure. Many men love the practice because it’s often the most reliable and effective way to please their partner.

You certainly need to open a dialogue with your husband to remind him that courtesy and kindness are top qualities in the bedroom - and even more so when you’ve been married a number of years.

I wonder if there’s something he’s not telling you? Sometimes there’s a simple explanation for avoiding more demanding sexual activity, such as “my back hurts”. Or perhaps he’s always lacked confidence with this activity. If you take a long time to reach a climax, he may wrongly feel he’s inept.

It’s possible that your partner doesn’t realise how much consideration and effort you put into pleasing him.

Of course, you should never make sex with your partner seem like a chore. However, it is acceptable to explain that you are working for your spouse’s delight and would appreciate him being as painstaking in pursuit of your happiness.

Remember that this is a reasonably common - and eminently solvable - problem that crops up in many long-term relationships with partners of either gender. Some women demand copious foreplay, but are reluctant to bestow oral pleasure upon their partners.

It seem to me that there is always one last resort in these cases. If your husband does not respond to gentle reasoning, you are well within your rights to go on strike yourself. He should swiftly see your point. - Daily Mail

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