QUESTION: My partner of a year and I were set to stay with my daughter and her family over New Year, until she said she was putting us in separate rooms while my 19-year-old granddaughter is to have the guest-double room with her new boyfriend. I said gently I thought age came before beauty and that I was hoping to have a romantic New Year. My daughter replied: “I hope you don’t mean sex: you’re too old for that kind of thing.” I am 77. Am I being childish?
ANSWER: You’ve certainly been turned into a naughty child by your daughter. Meanwhile, she’s become the disapproving adult.
There are few things more likely to cause a family row then one relative disapproving of another’s sex life. There’s something particularly ungenerous about a relatively young person wishing celibacy upon an older one just because they’re prudish. As much as anything else, I would expect any child of mine to make way for a grandparent as a simple matter of respect.
It seems so strange, on your daughter’s part, that she’s relaxed about her child’s sex life but so uptight about yours.
When someone’s behaviour is inexplicable, there’s always something that’s hidden from us. In your longer letter, you explain you’ve been divorced for 15 years. Is it possible the wound of your splitting is still fresh to your daughter?
Many grown-up children find it hard to see a mother or father with someone new.
If your daughter is erotically unsatisfied, imagine how hard it must be to see you — her 77-year-old mother — enjoying a romantic relationship.
Few of us behave with all the grown-up dignity we can muster around close family. Look at you! Your first instinct is to abandon the New Year trip altogether, when it’s more than likely something’s eating away at your daughter.
Is there a nearby B&B or hotel at which you can stay? This would eloquently make your point without creating a full-scale diplomatic incident.
You should also explain to your daughter that having sex in your 70s is not a crime. - Daily Mail