QUESTION: My husband and I have been married for 26 years, but we haven’t had sex - or any form of intimacy - for the past six, and I can’t persuade him to talk about it. While he says he still loves me, and I don’t think he’s having an affair, I resent him and feel it will be difficult to remain faithful. Can you help?
ANSWER: No rejection is as crushing as lying beside someone who once wanted to have sex with you, but now doesn’t. It’s no wonder you feel bereft.
You are also a living rebuttal of the common misconception that only women lose their libido. A recent survey found that around 15 percent of men reported a lack of interest in sex.
But, as you’ve discovered, men are more reluctant than women to discuss intimate issues. Too often, they suffer in silence - and their partners suffer, too.
Someone has to break that silence. You must be brutal - tell your spouse that if he won’t seek solutions, you’ll be driven to an affair. Add that if he has any inkling why he no longer wants sex, he must tell you.
But brace yourself. Some men say they no longer find their partner attractive, that they’ve put on weight, or are dull in bed. Sometimes, there’s an issue with alcohol, drugs or pornography.
Perhaps he’s depressed, or suffering erectile dysfunction? Or could your spouse have been abused when he was young? Explore all avenues.
If he still won’t discuss sex, beg him to see a GP. If that fails, you face tough decisions. You may be best seeking fulfilment elsewhere. But it’s difficult to have a good sexual relationship without becoming emotionally involved. Only you can be the judge.
Some people can exist without sex; others find their life stripped of delight. You should not be judged harshly if you are in the latter. Remember, this situation is not of your making.
Daily Mail