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QUESTION: When my marriage ended four years ago my confidence nose-dived, so I was thrilled to be propositioned by a handsome man at a drinks party. We started a sexual relationship. Then I soon found out he had other lovers, too. He just said if I didn’t like it, I could walk. Why can’t I summon the resolve to quit?
ANSWER: This relationship is an addiction, like any other. The sooner you understand that the better. You are puzzled by this man’s hold over you, despite the fact you find him insensitive.
You so desperately want to feel better, that you’ve latched on to the first feel-good factor that came your way.
The trouble with quick fixes is that they never address the underlying issues.
Look at you. The only positive thing you have to say about your lover is that he’s handsome but you have let him expand into your life until there’s no space to grieve the end of your marriage. You’d rather not deal with all of that. Too painful and real. Instead, you are preoccupied with what this worthless man thinks of you.
The fact you’re so passive in the face of this man’s disregard for your emotions suggests you don’t think you deserve any more than this. I wonder if this was a pattern set in childhood?
So let me tell you something harsh, but true. This man has no interest in being won over. He has a keen instinct for picking up vulnerable women, who he can keep broken-spirited and constantly available. He has no intention of committing.
Having said all that, I understand it’s hard to walk away. You feel this is all you’ve got.
Get out now and pay for a course of relationship counselling. It’s time to take responsibility for your own happiness. You’ve had an unhappy marriage, followed by an unloving relationship, so you need to break bad relationship patterns now.
Seek a man who gives as enthusiastically as he receives, and your love life will blossom. - Daily Mail