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The weirdest place I ever had sex...

Sex
We've all had that conversation with girlfriends or guy friends and it always ends in blushes all round. It normally goes along the lines of “that one time in college”

If you feel a deep flush starting in your cheeks, it’s best you stop reading now. For the rest of you, the following titbits might bring back naughty memories of love blooming behind shop counters or taking one-night stands to the closest dodgy hotel that charges by the hour.

In celebration of letting the freak flag fly, we asked a few readers about the weirdest places they had sex. Their answers might shock, yet fill you with envy at the same time.

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The movie Secretary is rife with awkward sexual encounters, including a scene with Maggie Gyllenhaal strapped to a desk with a carror in her mouth.

Love outside the club

It was the early hours of a Sunday morning and * Zoe and a friends were keen to get amorous. There was just one problem. “We were at a club in Green Point, and, let's just say that things needed to be done,” she laughs. “We took a walk to an alleyway and did it right there. I was wearing a short skirt and no underwear, so it wasn’t a problem.”

Steamy affair

During a visit to a gays-only steam bath venue, * Mpho did more than enjoy the establishment’s amenities: “It was my first time there and I went with a ‘friend’. There were private rooms and couples could go into any room that wasn't occupied. It was a very surreal experience and what made it even more interesting is that they had special gatherings where you could watch group sex!”

Box-office hit

* Whitney and her husband were looking for something to spice up their sex lives. The plan? A trip to the cinema and buy tickets for a movie that no one will see. “We thought we chose a movie that nobody would want to watch,” she says. “We went into the empty cinema and I sat on top of him facing the screen. Just then an elderly couple walked in and sat directly behind us. Suffice to say, we never finished what we set out to do. I had to quickly adjust my clothes, and we left 10 minutes into the movie.”

Note to self: If the movie sounds boring, doesn't mean the cinema may be empty. Picture: Pixabay

At one with nature

A visit to a resort in Montagu a few years ago had * Giselle stuck between a rock and a hard place, literally. What was supposed to be a leisurely hike up the mountain turned into a moment of passion for her and her then-boyfriend.

“We found a rock and decided ‘let’s just do it here’. There was no one on the path at the time and we thought it would be exciting,” she blushes. What she didn’t count on though was an audience: “We only realised afterwards that the hikers further up the mountain could see everything we were doing!”

Waist-deep

* Ray and his wife, who was his girlfriend at the time, decided to have a little X-rated dip in the river while on a day trip in the Winelands. “We just wanted to be naughty and thought ‘why not’. No one could see what we were doing because the water was waist-high. We just did it right there surrounded by children playing in the water, and they were none the wiser!”

* Names have been changed in the interests of discretion

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