‘Why won’t my boyfriend kiss me?’Comment on this story
QUESTION: My boyfriend of two years is the most reluctant kisser I’ve dated. He says it’s undignified to kiss in public in your late 40s, but he rarely offers a kiss in private, either. He says he prefers to ‘get down to it’, but I feel bereft without the occasional smooch. What should I do?
ANSWER: One of the most common complaints I receive as a relationship adviser is that kissing has declined in a relationship. The person lamenting that has always been female. Most women like to be warmed up as a prelude to making love, and nothing puts you in the mood faster than a passionate kiss.
So your ‘reluctant kisser’ is not an unknown specimen. It’s feeble to suggest you’re too old to lock lips. There seems to be an unwritten law that, after 40, you should keep French kissing private. However, I don’t think anyone objects to a quick smacker on the lips. I rejoice when I glimpse two pensioners hand-in-hand, leaning in for a kiss.
Worse than any age prejudice is your man’s reasoning that you should gallop past foreplay and get down to the main event. This is what I would call “undignified”, since he’s showing no concern for your preferences. This haste demonstrates a lack of generosity. I wonder if he understands that you gain pleasure by giving pleasure to the person you love. Often, the only way to illustrate such a point is by asking how he would feel if you ceased to take note of his sexual preferences.
Only you can sense how much of a deal-breaker, or not, this lack of smooching will prove. Do you enjoy your sex life otherwise? Does your boyfriend demonstrate empathy and kindness in other areas of your life? Is it possible he’s unsure of his prowess in kissing? There are people who feel a French kiss is unbearably personal.
If you understand why your man is reluctant to lock lips, you may find it easier to accept his stance, or draw him out of it. - Daily Mail