Washington - If you’ve been to a bar or restaurant over a weekend, you’ve probably run into a bachelorette party.
They’re not hard to spot. Just look for the group of 10 to 12 inebriated women stumbling arm-in-arm like a search party in the woods - except instead of looking for a dead body, they’re trying not to leave one behind.
What makes bachelorette parties so obnoxious is that they take over any venue they enter. They feed on attention. Bachelorette partiers want you to know they are there. Unsolicited, they will come up and ask you to help them complete a “dare” such as “Sit on a stranger’s lap and give him a kiss” or “Get a stranger to trade shirts with you”.
Just do what they say, and they will move on. They want free drinks; they want the DJ to play their song requests; and no one else matters because their best friend is getting married.
This tradition of parading around your soon-to-be married girlfriend in phallic paraphernalia started in the 1980s as a way to rival men’s bachelor parties. Women used to throw each other sophisticated showers with crustless cucumber sandwiches; now we have the same “last night of freedom” men have.
I’ve been to my share of bachelorette parties. I’ve performed karaoke to Don’t Stop Believin’ with a stage full of tone-deaf gal pals. I’ve finished off a tray of shots, and danced like a feral woman on sticky bar tops while barely being able to keep my balance. But by the time I turned 30, I thought those days were behind me.
Recently, though, when one of my best friends announced she was getting married in Las Vegas, I found myself planning a secret bachelorette party with a dozen of her girlfriends. Even though we’re all north of 30, there was something thrilling about this party we were throwing for our friend who expected nothing. She was having a small ceremony in a Vegas chapel that held only 50 people. She didn’t send out invitations or register for gifts.
Since we were unburdened from all the other commitments that normally come with a close friend’s wedding, we were eager to go big on the bachelorette. It’s amazing how much you want to contribute when you’re not broke and frazzled from paying for a bridesmaid’s dress, matching shoes, hair and makeup.
Chipping in for the party bus, Cirque de Soleil tickets, cases of champagne and decorations seemed like more of a privilege than a burden. I found myself buying and making gift bags for everyone including hundreds of tiny paper penises that I hot-glued onto straws, forks, shot glasses. I told myself I was doing this ironically, to embarrass the bride-to-be - but I was having way too much fun.
We threw our friend the stereotypical modern woman’s bachelorette party without ruining innocent bystanders’ nights in the process. We gave the bride lingerie, played games, did shots and took 10 000 selfies - all without leaving our hotel suite.
From there, we walked to a restaurant for dinner. They tucked us away, in our own room where their other customers didn’t have to see or hear us. We had our own server who we made sure was well-compensated for dealing with two dozen drunken women who are so excited their best friend is getting married!
The next time you’re part of a bachelorette party, remember: even though this is an extraordinary night for you and your party, it’s just another night of work for your server, bartender, cab driver. Don’t make them hate you. Yes, they are used to dealing with drunk, loud and annoying people. But they don’t do it because they’re excited for you, they do it for money. However drunk you are, make sure it’s reflected in their tip.
Consider assigning a few designated wranglers, about one per every six women. These should be women who can handle their liquor and will wrangle your guests when they start getting out of hand.
Stacy from work is going table to table asking guys to fill up her shot-glass necklace?
Lasso that situation immediately. If you decide to include entertainment, make sure it’s something where it’s okay to be rowdy and a part of the show.
As a standup comedian, I’ll tell you - it’s our worst nightmare to be informed there’s a bachelorette party in the crowd. They always talk during the show, yell things out and try to be the centre of attention.
I once had the bride-to-be vomit all over the floor right before I went onstage, which was disgusting, distracting and not what I wanted to compete with. Stick with the classics: Strip clubs, dance clubs and drag shows can drown out all your noise and then some.
The bachelorette party doesn’t have to ruin everyone else’s night. We can share spaces peacefully, as bachelorette parties and noncombatants alike. And if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
The next time you’re out with friends and a bachelorette party walks in, ask them for one of those dirty dare cards and get in on the fun.
Washington Post