QUESTION: I've been out as gay for 30 years, during which I've worked for the same company - where it's never been an issue.
Many people know my husband.
Now the issue: I may be laid off soon. When seeking a new job, do I go back in the closet? Do I hide my relationship (we've been together 29 years, married four) or just continue to live as usual? Any suggestions you can give me would be appreciated.
ANSWER: I'm sorry to hear about your potential loss of employment, my friend, but as often as Cher sings If I Could Turn Back Time, there's no going back. It's 2016, you and your husband have a life together, you have a Facebook profile with photos and your relationship status, and you have a network of family and friends who know you as a long-term committed couple. You're about as out as it gets.
Although there's no requirement that you disclose your sexual identity during the interview process, you also don't want to end up at a company where you'd have to withhold it.
Withholding hurts in two ways: Personally, it could reactivate old feelings of shame about being gay, for both you and your husband. Professionally, you'd leave colleagues wondering why there's never any mention of a personal life.
You can't erase a 29-year relationship, and you don't want to make your husband suddenly invisible. What about the company holiday party? Monday morning water cooler chat? What if you need to take family leave because he becomes ill? Unless you have absolutely no other employment option, you don't want to work for a company where you'd have to hide your sexual orientation.
“But discrimination is still a troubling reality,” says Matt McTighe, executive director of Freedom for All Americans, a national advocacy group seeking to end discrimination against LGBT people. He emphasises that “28 states still lack laws protecting LGBT people from employment discrimination.” So, here's what you should do:
* Seek out companies that highlight “diversity” on their websites.
* Check their ratings on the Human Rights Campaign's Corporate Equality Index.
* Ask about an LGBTQ employee group, and network through friends and colleagues to learn more about their values.
You - and your husband - should continue to feel proud of your marriage and not return to the shadows.
Washington Post
* Steven Petrow, the author of “Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners,” addresses questions about LGBT and straight etiquette in his column, Civilities.