The 10 types of office parties

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The Dancer will bust all manner of old moves at the office party, like Ricky Gervais in The Office.

London - There are 10 characters at every staff Christmas party – and the “Kisser” is the least popular of them all, according to new research.

Faces at work bashes may change over years but the 10 personality types are ever-present. Almost seven in 10 of those canvassed in a survey said the biggest nuisance is the Christmas Kisser, who won’t take no for an answer and who is determined to kiss every person at the event.

Which one are you?

 

The Christmas Kisser

In their late-30s or early 40s, “happily” married with children, insists on wearing ultra-skinny jeans and is convinced that, despite their advancing years, they could still have their wicked way with any of the office bright young things at the drop of a hat. Will be spotted stalking the office Christmas bash like a shark on legs looking for stragglers. Beware their slobbery chops, they come with their own horror movie soundtrack.

 

The Peak-too-sooner

This man or woman is the office Christmas party evangelist. They help round up the troops in advance of the annual bash and make wild promises of incredible party feats and promises of being the last man or woman standing at the after-party shindig.

Unfortunately, they are then found just 90 minutes into the festive bash, candle well and truly burnt at both ends, snoozing quietly in the corner.

 

The Flirt

You’ve had your suspicions about them all year and, as the Christmas party celebrations start to unfold, they confirm your worst fears – they’ve made you the target of their inappropriate advances for the duration of the evening. They start off the night pleasantly enough – innocently offering to buy you a drink – but then suddenly turn, shunning every other member of staff and focus their attention solely on you (or a particularly inappropriate part of your body). They make lewd suggestions almost as an after-thought, sit uncomfortably close to you and growl at other members of their sex who have the misfortune of straying innocently into your vicinity throughout the evening.

 

The Blabbermouth

They’ve been the picture of discretion all year, hiding behind a façade of normality their simmering discontent at not getting that pay rise or failing in that promotion. But once the festive spirit takes them, their lips become loose and they begin to announce, at a raised volume, how terrible it is working at their company.

They also suddenly find it impossible to maintain company secrets or private disclosures. Nothing is out of bounds and, before the end of the evening, any confidential company business is suddenly common knowledge among the entire workforce. Often found at the root of any Christmas party squabbles.

 

The Houdini

This person seems well up for plenty of festive frolics in the lead-up to the staff Christmas do. They often go as far as helping organise venues for the hardy party animals to go to after the main event has subsided. Unfortunately, this party “type” is never around when the after-party begins, having sloped off home for an early night while the rest of the workforce is in full party mode. Usually in their early 30s and often a new parent or horribly infatuated with their lover.

 

The Dark Horse

Quiet as a mouse all year round, this staff member suddenly, frighteningly finds their outrageous inner self at the Christmas party. While they wouldn’t say boo to a goose in normal office hours, they suddenly think it is perfectly acceptable to go around helping themselves to colleagues’ drinks and dancing inappropriately close to members of the opposite sex.

They’re also likely to announce that they used to be lead singer in a death metal band once they’d quit their job as a dancer at a seedy revue bar.

 

The Weeper

The staff member who steadfastly, resolutely refuses to leave their personal problems at the door to the party venue. They wear their heart on their sleeve and spread their misty-eyed romantic delusions of love through snotty tear-stained tissues thrust into the clammy hands of colleagues unfortunate enough to aimlessly wander into the toilets while The Weeper is mid-shriek over the untimely ending of their torrid love affair.

 

The Limpet

You can easily spot this staff member at the Christmas party because they are irremovably welded to the side of their departmental boss. They’ll be the one heartily laughing at their boss’s awful jokes, cooing at their development plan and happily skipping off to the bar and buying their boss drinks all night out of their own pocket. They’ll also be the one left looking heartbroken as their boss exits the party early without hearing their full 14-part eulogy to their boss’s greatness, written in staggering techni-coloured fawning detail (in their own blood).

 

The Dancer

Always a decade beyond their prime, The Dancer will bust all manner of old-skool moves at the office party. Thought you’d seen the last of the hand jive? Oh, no, you haven’t. And you’ve never ever seen anyone under the age of 25 attempt that backflip into a John Travolta strut before. This staff member will not leave the dance floor – tonight it is their stage and the masses of open-mouthed colleagues sitting around the vicinity of the dance floor are their greatest audience.

 

The Organiser

Woe betide anyone who decides to change their Christmas meal choice at the staff party or bemoans the quality of the venue, The Organiser will be firmly, angrily on your case.

This diminutive staff member has spent years scaring the pants off the biggest characters in the staff canteen, honing their withering stare to perfection. They have a list of everything (including other lists) and have arranged the staff party with military precision. No matter that you have just ordered a full round of drinks for you and your colleagues, if The Organiser says it is time to move on, you move on.

No argument, you shuffle to the tables and leave your drinks behind because The Organiser has arranged special Christmas cocktails to be served. – Daily Mail

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