London - If you’re in the dog house and saying sorry has so far failed to smooth things over, read on.
Because researchers claim to have come up with a formula for the perfect apology. But be warned, with six stages, it’s rather long-winded, and the more elements you include, the more likely you are to succeed.
So you’ll certainly have to swallow that pride (and maybe write down what you want to say so you don’t forget).
The six points of the perfect apology are:
1. Expressing your regret – simply saying sorry.
2. Explaining what went wrong.
3. You should take responsibility for your misdemeanour.
4. Make a declaration of repentance, meaning you should say you won’t ever make the same mistake again.
5. Offer to make amends.
6. Ask for forgiveness.
If you want to get the apology over and done with quickly, then just include the two most effective points, which the study found to be taking responsibility and making amends.
Professor Roy Lewicki, who led the study by the business department at Ohio State University in the US, said: “One concern about apologies is that talk is cheap. But saying, ‘I’ll fix what is wrong’ is committing to take action to undo the damage.”
The request for forgiveness was seen as least important, so anyone clinging to their pride need not grovel if they don’t want to.
In joint third place for effectiveness came the expression of regret, an explanation of went wrong and declaring repentance. Published in journal Negotiation and Conflict Management Research, the study looked at how 755 people reacted to apologies containing between one to all six of the key components.
While the form of the apology was important, participants were more likely to accept an apology that was because of incompetence rather than a lack of integrity.
Professor Lewicki added that having eye contact and the tone of a person’s voice may have powerful effects as well.
Previous research has found that another tip for an effective apology is not saying sorry too quickly, but allowing the wronged person to “yell and vent” their anger a bit first.
But if apologies are left too late, they may fail as well. Saying sorry too frequently can also fail as they become “background noise” and get ignored.
Daily Mail