Two true stories
1. An ex of mine used to think women had to take their tampons out before going to the bathroom.
2. My usually-sharp friend Sue insists that there's no such thing as a male G-spot. Unbelievable, but true - because when it comes to understanding what makes the opposite sex tick, biologically and emotionally, we're all a bit clueless. To help set the record straight, read this article. Then leave it on his pillow.
Seven stupid things men believe about sex
1. The longer I keep at it, the more satisfied she'll be
My friend Claire's a fan of the quickie. "I like sprints, not marathons," she says. Sadly Ian, her man, prefers going for longer. "Many men think that more thrusting equals more thrills," says Val Sampson, author of The Real Sex Kitten's Handbook (Quadrille, R204). "But it's the first few centimetres of the vagina that are most sensitive, so 'circling' movements are more effective."
2. Women don't want meaningless sex
Men think we all like sex served with candles and sonnets. "I feel guilty if I give my girlfriend a quickie from behind," says Tom, 23. "I always think she'd prefer something more loving."
"Romance thrives on variety," says Val. "If you ate a gourmet meal every night, you'd want a sandwich soon enough."
3. If I can't get it up, the relationship is doomed
A male friend of mine admitted: "I couldn't get lift-off once with the most beautiful woman. I was so embarrassed that I went into hiding." Until a few days later, when she sent a scathing email asking why he didn't call her. He's been (successfully) making it up to her ever since.
"The male ego and libido go hand in hand," says Val. "Even the most arrogant player will be shaken by a so-called failure'." Erection problems can be caused by many different things - from stress to cold remedies. "Don't take it personally," says Val. "It rarely means that he doesn't like you."
And, adds Ian, "Don't panic. Many women overcompensate if their partner loses his erection by trying to make him hard again. Don't. It's better to tell him how much you enjoy foreplay and do that instead; it'll help him get back his sexual confidence."
4. Oral sex is all about tongue speed
Says a friend, Markus: "I used to think my tongue should do the River Dance on her clitoris. Until one time I got tired and took it slowly and she went crazy!" Encourage him to think about areas other than your clitoris. Direct him to your sensitive spots by murmuring things like, "Mmm... that's great."
5. Women want to be held for 13 hours after sex
"If there's one thing we're made to feel guilty about," says Shaun, 31, "it's that we have to hold you for hours after sex, otherwise we're cold-blooded beasts."
Not true! "Women remain in a semi-aroused state after sex because blood lingers longer in the pelvic area, so they're likely to want contact," says Val. "But men work harder to achieve ejaculation, so are more tired. That doesn't mean we all want hours of post-coital spooning!" A few minutes of conversation is enough for most of us.
6. Real men don't make a noise
Men like to project self-control, and grunting isn't part of that image. But silence isn't always golden. My friend, Steph, says sex with one ex, "Was like doing it with a mime artist - even when he climaxed. Scary!"
"It's a stereotype for women to make a noise during sex, so men feel ashamed when they do," says Ian. "But the more we vocalise our pleasure, the more we enjoy it. If you're worried he's holding back, ask him, 'Does this feel good?' and show him that you're not afraid to moan and groan."
7. Sex should be like an Olympic floor routine
The best sex tip my friend Daniel has learned since he's been married is: "Stop changing positions so much!" We all like a bit of variety, but it can actually hold us back from orgasm.
"Women need to be relaxed during sex to climax," explains Ian. "New positions can prevent this. So if it's the good old missionary that gets you going, be kind and tell him! It'll save him a whole lot of extra work."
And five stupid things women wrongly believe
1. Nice men don't marry bad girls
"In the first few months of my relationship I used to hold back with my boyfriend because I was scared he'd think I was cheap," says Jill, 31. Wrong. "Women don't have to choose between hot sex and commitment," says Ian. "Men want both. We want someone who isn't scared of experimenting. A passionate woman is a much more exciting prospect than one who never lets herself go."
2. He compares you to every woman he's ever been with
"If he loves you, you're the one he's thinking of," says Ian. "When I'm in bed with a girl, my mind's 100 percent on her," agrees Josh, 28. "I'm in bed with her, which means she's the one that I want to be having sex with."
3. He thinks manual is a poor substitute for sex
"Total myth!" says Simon, 30. "Remember, guys do to themselves what they'd like women to do more often."
Want to give him an erotic hand job? Get him to lie on his back and straddle his thighs. Apply water-based lubricant onto his penis, wrap your hands firmly but gently around it and move your fist up and down in a steady motion, alternating the speed as his arousal grows. Gently massage his corona (the ridge where the head meets the shaft) and the frenulum (the ridge that runs the length of the underside of the penis). He'll be writhing in ecstasy.
4. Ball games are off-limits
"All my ex-girlfriends have been hesitant about touching my balls, so when my current partner found them it was like, 'Hallelujah!'," laughs Wilkes, 24. "It's a sensitive area," says Ian. "But that doesn't mean men don't want you to go there." Give them a light lick or run your fingers across them.
5. He loves it bare down there
"I once slept with a woman who was so bald she looked like a mannequin," says Dave, 30. "Not attractive."
"He might want you to try it out for the novelty factor, but the truth is men love pubic hair. After all, he wants to know he's sleeping with a real woman."