London - Clumpy, clunky and downright dangerous. Yes, the wedge - the scourge of fashionable feet everywhere - is back this summer with a vengeance.
The Duchess of Cambridge has always been a fan of this ghastly, ugly footwear, but when she was snapped jumping in a pair at the Commonwealth Games this week, I held my head in my hands.
Not only because she looked so downright silly but because her insistence on wearing these monstrosities means there’ll now be an endless succession of women prepared to ruin elegant summer outfits with a pair of clodhoppers.
I’m sick of the sight of them already.
The usually stylish Sharon Stone all but ruined her elegant white ensemble lunching in Los Angeles, while Princess Beatrice looked far from regal at Ascot last month in cliffs of cork. And these two are only the thin end of the wedge.
However elegant the occasion, a hulking great heel has somehow become acceptable attire. And women are seemingly blind to how this brutish footwear is ruining their look.
After the hours spent picking out a pretty dress, dainty jewellery and stylish handbag, they put the sartorial equivalent of bricks on their feet.
Even the usually well-turned-out Joan Collins has worn the ugliest wedges I’ve ever seen. And Meryl Streep, who normally never gets it wrong, is no stranger to wedges either - despite them giving her granny cankles and somehow adding inches to her waist. Meanwhile, Victoria Beckham is often seen modelling pairs of sandals bigger than her head.
So why is it that so many women are heffalumping around on built-up bits of wood? Some claim they don’t sink into the grass at weddings and sports events. Come on girls, you’re usually wearing them to posh bars and restaurants.
Others believe the shoes look sexy - that they do the same as a stiletto heel to lengthen the leg. Well, ladies, it’s the stiletto’s spike and curve that gives the illusion of a longer, shapelier leg. The wedge, by contrast, makes even the lithest of legs look fat and stumpy.
And, like it or not, men don’t like clumpy heels. They are just a weird fashion fad guys don’t understand: yet another season “must-have” that looks ugly and unsexy, yet women insist on wearing.
I can’t imagine a man asking a woman to “keep her wedges on” in the bedroom - he’d probably fear for his safety.
Admittedly, even I have fallen foul of the fashionista brigade and bought the occasional pair. But this week I gave three pairs to a charity shop, virtually unworn, after my boyfriend said they made me look as though I had breeze blocks glued to my feet. The more I see celebrities photographed in them, the more I think he’s right.
Some women claim their wedges are easier to walk in, like the summer version of Uggs. But I don’t think that’s true - I have found to my peril that they can topple sideways, taking the unwitting wearer with them. I almost broke my ankle last summer twisting over in a pair of 5-inch espadrilles daintily secured to my ankles with flimsy ribbon. They, too, went to a charity shop.
The weight of wedges is another issue; not only is having a slab of concrete strapped to your feet utterly inflexible, they take some lifting - making you clomp along with an inelegant, flat-footed gait. You cannot stroll with a wedge, you have to stomp. They make your thigh and calf muscles bulge with the strain; even Jennifer Aniston’s thin thighs swell in them, while svelte Kate Middleton looks like she’s been training for the weight-lifting championships.
And let’s not forget that for all her love of wedges, when she first caught William’s eye (he later recalled how hot she looked), she was wearing flats. - Daily Mail