Durban - I was at dinner with friends over the festive season, when they asked me if I had gone to a mutual friend’s birthday party.
No, I said. The reason? Work, I replied. And so started the intervention. And I agreed with them. I had messed up. I had started using work as a crutch and excuse for everything, I basically stopped living. And while it’s not a resolution, I made a decision that I would strive for more balance in my life.
But is there such a thing as a work life balance? That’s what I went to find out from Durban based life coach, Alison Hurt.
It turns out it varies for people. “It’s different for everyone, mainly because people have different priorities. It’s not something that’s cemented – it’s very fluid and therefore what might apply to me as having a healthy work/life balance, might not apply to you.”
Most of us choose careers that we are passionate about and love. And that means you take work home and vice versa. But when my health started to falter and I found myself in a never-ending race of stressing about work, even dreaming of missing deadlines, I realised that it had gone too far. My balance was non-existent and before things went too far, I had to fix it. And that is the first step to making sure there’s a balance in your life again.
“We all make choices,” Hurt said. “What do we prioritise? For younger people - early in their working life - there’s a need to constantly focus on work in order to prove themselves and settle into their chosen industries. Sometimes a work/life balance doesn’t exist per se, because of priorities. But when you start missing moments, whether in your family or friends’ lives, then you need to take cognisance that things may be leaning towards work, more than other aspects of your life.”
One of the first signs of not having a healthy work/life balance, is your health suffering. “And this is holistically. Relationships suffer, you get sick. Your mental well-being suffers because you have neglected things that are important to you,” Hurt said.
This has happened to me. And that was when the alarm bells started ringing. The ramifications of focusing solely on work and neglecting other things had become unmanageable. It took a shift in my priorities to slowly bring about a change. “It’s difficult to break a habit. It becomes entrenched and becomes a part of your daily routine and so to break from it, you need to formulate a new “habit” to replace the one you have. But this habit must be one that has a great impact on your life.”
My new habit was making sure I was more present for my friends and family, and the one habit that I needed to break, was constantly thinking of and worrying about work. And to replace it, I found a new one – playing an active role in my nephew’s education, making sure he knew his work and was ready for any test.
That’s just one way to sort out the problem and bring back the balance. Another way is to be disciplined and committed to change. “You need to be able to take responsibility for your life. While it’s great that you love your job and are doing all you can to be successful, you need to take a step back and see how much your dedication and drive may be making you miss out on life.”
Hurt advised that you start small. “Don’t rush it. Take small steps, doing things that used to excite you. Get out of your comfort zone and encourage yourself to be in a space that’s not as familiar. It will help to bring that zest for life back.”
It’s important to remember, Hurt tells me, that it’s rare to get a proper balance. “Sometimes work will take priority and you get so busy that you don’t focus that much on your personal life, while sometimes work will take second place. There’s never a proper balance. The solution is to find a way to make sure that neither suffers.”
Sunday Tribune