Reality show star shares polygamy secrets

Musa Mseleku is pictured here with his four wives, from left, Nokukhanya "Mayeni", Thobile "Makhumalo", Mbali "Mangwabe" and Busisiwe "MaCele". Picture: Mzansi Magic

Musa Mseleku is pictured here with his four wives, from left, Nokukhanya "Mayeni", Thobile "Makhumalo", Mbali "Mangwabe" and Busisiwe "MaCele". Picture: Mzansi Magic

Published May 24, 2017

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Durban - The key to a successful polygamous marriage is honesty says a KwaZulu-Natal man who “broke” the internet after the first episode of a reality show about him and his four wives.

Musa Mseleku, 43, star of the Mzansi Magic TV show Uthando neSthembu (Love and polygamy), believes they made a huge sacrifice by opening up their lives to the public but their aim is to contribute to the fight against the abuse of women and children which is often associated with polygamy.

Mseleku, from the rural town of Umzumbe on the South Coast, married Busiswe “Mamkhulu”, 40, Nokukhanya “MaYeni”, 35, Mbali “MaNgwabe”, 34, and Thobile “MaKhumalo”, 28, between 2002 and 2009.

According to the Recognition of Customary Marriages Act, no spouse in a customary marriage can also be married in terms of the Marriage Act.

Mseleku said; “I’m a traditional man, my marriages are recognised by my ancestors, that is most important and what I subscribe to. My marriages are also protected and recognised by Home Affairs.”

Khenani Makhoba, Zulu expert, author and lecturer, said there were several origins of polygamy. These included the need for extra helping hands in the household. At times it would be the wives who sought additional wives for their husbands.

“The wives are not rivals, they are a team,” said Makhoba.

He said looking at polygamy from a Westernised perspective made people look down on such marriages. “You feel sorry for the wives, but if we walked in their shoes we might understand why some of them turn around and feel sorry for you. In fact, those who practise polygamy in the true sense are not interested in what the public thinks.”

Makhoba urged people to go back to their roots and understand their culture instead of looking down and criticising as this was not constructive, and didn’t help women who are happy in polygamous marriages.

Javu Baloyi, spokesperson for the Commission for Gender Equity, said it did receive complaints regarding polygamous marriages, mainly related to consent from the first wife and inheritance when the husband dies.

“There is more power given to the first wife to create an enabling environment for the addition of more wives. It is allowed by South African law and as long as she has given her consent there is no problem,” said Baloyi.

The hordes of female suitors who have flooded Mseleku’s inbox since the premiere of the show last week, will have to deal with his wives, not just because their consent is a legal requirement but because he is “blessed enough, any addition will be their choice”.

“It will be a collective decision. If they feel there will be enough time for me to spend with all of them and the children, they can call the shots,” said Mseleku.

What he does want more of, is children. The father of three boys and seven girls, with the oldest being 22 years old and the youngest 4 months old, said he was only halfway done.

“I define growth as a big, happy family. How people outside of my family view that isn’t something I worry about. Of course it comes to mind but negative perceptions also encourage me to do right. I hear painful stories about abused women, abandoned children, so much pain at the hands of men, I never want to be that.

“As a polygamist I want to give the best of me and show other men how polygamy is really done,” he said.

Mseleku believes the torrent of requests to be wife number five were a testament to how men have failed women.

“There wouldn’t be such excitement and willingness to add to one man. It also shows me that women are not opposed to polygamy but rather the abusive way it is practised by some men.”

The Mercury

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