The North Pole - If Santa Claus suddenly decided to trade in his sleigh for a modern vehicle, which one would he choose?
Vehicle data specialists Lightstone Auto, with tongues firmly inserted in cheeks, took it upon themselves to find the ideal set of wheels for Santa.
Whether you call him Santa Claus or Father Christmas, he is still scheduled to visit millions of children on December 25th. Traditionally, he arrives on a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. However, following a book club session earlier this year, Mrs Claus read a book on Reindeer Rights, and decided that Santa needed to utilise his magic powers in a reindeer-friendly manner.
Mrs Claus referred Santa to Zoopa - South Africa's leading authority on vehicle statistics and specifications - to source a more appropriate mode of transport for the big guy (because let's face it ladies, if we left it up to him, it would never get done - ho ho ho).
The team sprung to work like a group of little (some of them not so little) elves - and were able to assist Santa in choosing the most appropriate mode of transport to ensure that all the little people received their much-anticipated Christmas morning experience.
Firstly, Santa would definitely only choose between a red or white car. With white being the most popular car colour (243 709 white cars were sold in South Africa in 2015), we doubt Santa would want to blend in. That said, we think he'd opt for something a little more bold - such as red (there were only 27 281 red vehicles sold in South Africa this year).
We then needed to apply some filters as choosing from nearly thirty thousand - was tough for more than just one person, so we factored in the following:
Only passenger and light commercials were considered as Santa driving a truck is, well - we're not in Texas, are we?
Considering only larger vehicles such as double cabs, SUVs, MPVs or Crossovers, was narrowed down to 6113 red cars.
The risk of deep vein thrombosis and the desire to not wear tight stockings aside, an automatic is a must. Imagine the leg ache if he had to use a clutch, manually navigating the traffic in small coastal towns recently invaded by the popular clan named “Vaalies”. This reduced the potential candidates to 2800 red cars with automatic transmissions .
Onboard navigation was suggested by the elves, but those “technically savvy” introduced Santa to the world of navigation apps via a smart device. So that was thrown out the sun roof.
PRECISION STOPPING
With a big white beard, a furry suit, a heat-inducing fur lined hat, and a sackful of presents, aircon was a non-negotiable requirement.
ABS brakes were a key requirement as stopping (with precision) is very important. The average size of a residential property roof in South Africa is only 143 square metres, so anti-skid control is a must to ensure dodging the solar panels and satellite dishes on the roofs - and the taxis on the roads.
IsoFix child seat attachment was factored in case he needs a small elf to join on his travels - especially to help him use his new Google Maps app.
We considered cup holders, but seeing as he mostly eats and drinks milk in each house, he is unlikely to be snacking along the way.
With the ever-increasing risk of potholes and Johannesburg traffic lights that go out, and bearing in mind the storms that may hit Pretoria, we felt the need for a 4x4 - which left us with 1252 cars to choose from.
Finally, we factored in cruise control for the long stretch of seriously boring road between Bloemfontein and Beaufort West and an engine of more than two litres, which brings us down to 371 cars.
TOP 10
Applying all these filters we got to the Top 11 new red models sold year to date October 2015 (it was going to be the top 10 but there wa a tie for 10th):
BW X4 xDrive20d - 61
Jeep Grand Cherokee 6.4 SRT - 57
Range Rover Evoque 2.2 SD4 Dynamic - 56
BMW X3 xDrive20d - 40
Mazda CX-5 2.2 DE Akera - 38
Ford Kuga 2.0 EcoBoost Titanium - 35
Jeep Wrangler Unlimited 3.6 Sahara - 28
Nissan X-Trail 2.5 SE 4x4 - 20
Toyota RAV4 2.2 VX - 14
Audi Q3 quattro RS 2.5T FSI - 11
Subaru Forester 2.5 XS - 11
BOOT SPACE
Even though his luggage is generally not limited by the constraints of time and space, there is always some software issue that means the amount of compressibility of presents cannot be infinite. Let's leave it at that: he needs a decent-sized boot - at least 500 litres.
That leaves us with:
BW X4 xDrive20d - 61
Jeep Grand Cherokee 6.4 SRT - 57
Range Rover Evoque 2.2 SD4 Dynamic - 56
BMW X3 xDrive20d - 40
Subaru Forester 2.5 XS - 11
FUEL CONSUMPTION
Everybody says this is important, but the fact is that oil price is at its lowest in elf’s memory so it didn't play a large role in the filter and let's face it, he is only going to use the car once a year. Nevertheless, we set a combined fuel consumption level of 8.2 litres per 100km.
Which brings us down to a choice of four - with their approximate prices :
BW X4 xDrive20d - R598 000
Range Rover Evoque 2.2 SD4 Dynamic - R636 000
BMW X3 xDrive20d - R520 000
Subaru Forester 2.5 XS - R354 000
If money was an issue Santa would choose the Subaru, but we all know that “the old man is loaded” so then he would likely go with the Range Rover Evoque.