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Chili peppers. If you’re not careful, you’ll get burned. The general rule is to not mistake the big scary-looking ones for the hottest. It’s the little, unassuming buggers that’ll melt your tastebuds and have you doing hand-stands in the shower. Mistake Audi’s new RS3 for anything but the fiery habanero it is, and prepare yourself for a scorching.

The RS3 only comes in Sportback station wagon body style which, as a whole, is understated. But look closely and it’s easy to see something’s up. The front track has been widened from that of a normal A3 Sportback, necessitating subtly flared carbon fibre-reinforced plastic fenders, home to wicked 19” alloys wrapped with insanely thin 35-profile rubber.

The exterior’s finished off with an inconspicuous rear wing, an almost unnoticable diffuser and a modest dual exhaust pipe positioned off to the left side only. Americans call a car that looks so humble but goes like the clappers a “sleeper”, and this is one.

Audi’s RS3 doesn’t look like a Lambo, but it’ll out-drag one.

In this publication’s well-documented 0-100km/h test hierarchy, the status quo is clearly demonstrated with high-power, big-displacement cars reflecting fast times. But somehow the RS3, with its relatively small-capacity 2.5-litre, turbocharged, five-cylinder engine, has muscled its way ahead of much more brazen machinery such as Lambo’s Gallardo, V12-powered Aston Martins and 10-cylinder BMW M5s.

The five-banger block used here is actually borrowed from a Volkswagen van sold in North America, but it’s been tuned up with 1.2 bar boost pressure, and now makes 250kW and 450Nm. It’s got that same offbeat burble as those five-cylinder Audis of old (though the engine’s in no way related) but this one revs much smoother, with an addictive hum that reverberates through the cabin... and your soul.

As in all Audi’s RS models, quattro drive is to all four wheels, meaning the RS3 can dump huge amounts of power straight on to the road from a standstill without so much as a chirp from the rubber. Acceleration is almost deceptive. With the launch control feature activated, there’s an immediate sensation of G-shock, but from there the car charges forward without much fandango. There’s no fight from the wheel, no need for throttle feathering and, admittedly, no challenge. Just put foot and go.

Gear changes are so fast they almost don’t happen.

A lot of the RS3’s almost unbelievable 13.2-second quarter-mile time (we also got 4.9 seconds 0-100km/h) must be accredited to the seven-speed dual-clutch Stronic transmission, its shifts so quick that the only giveaway is a momentary lapse in exhaust back-pressure that results in Audi/VW’s signature DSG burp from the tailpipes.

The low-profile tyres create a bumpy ride, but not nearly as bad as I’ve experienced from similarly shod cars. Besides, they not only look great but help the RS3 perform in the turns. You’ll undoubtedly hear naysayers complain about quattro-induced understeer, which I won’t deny. Barrel into a turn with too much enthusiasm and this car will push out wide. But, read my lips people, every car on the planet will understeer if you barrel into a turn over-enthusiastically. The trick with quattro is to keep it in check and use its traction advantages on a corner’s exit.

DAILY DRIVER

You’ll hardly find a car with these performance credentials in such a versatile package. The A3 Sportback shape loses none of its spaciousness, and as a daily driver would be a superb vehicle for that hard-working dude (or dudette) with kids and shopping to tote, but who likes to embarrass a supercar on occasion. I’m a single bachelor with no kids, but I’d still give my first-born to own one if I had one.

Niggles? Yes. One big one. Audi’s climate control system that we’ve moaned about for years. Not only does it insist on choosing a fan speed for you when adjusting temperature, but adjusting temperature itself is a pain in the neck with separate driver and passenger switches that need to be clicked left or right twice for one degree increments. That’s ten times for five degrees, and so on.

VERDICT

Audi will replace the current A3, which this car’s based on, later this year meaning the RS3 is this shape’s swansong. And what a fantabulous swansong it is. In my all-time list of favourite drives (the list is long), the RS3 ranks near the top. Pity, of all 54 allocated to South Africa, all are sold. There’s a possibility of a small second batch, so be prepared to act fast. In the meantime I’d better start working on that first-born to sell. -Star Motoring

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