Crack of Dawn

Comment on this story
  1. "They should elect the entire ASA board for the SA judo team for the London Olympics. They're experts in self-defence." 15-09-2009
  2. "I see Tony Leon has been given a diplomatic posting to Argentina and Tokyo Sexwale has been given a diplomatic posting to Diepkloof." 06582009
  3. "Helen Zille says it won't be a shotgun marriage , but at least it will be better that the present shotgun approach to opposing the ANC."
  4. "The new Police Commissioner has adopted a policy of talk first and then think of the consequences." 04082009
  5. "It won't matter too much if all the rubbish strewn in the streets last week isn't picked up. It helps to fill the potholes." 03082009
  6. "The new police chief is going to have to start from scratch, which is good because he's got an itchy trigger finger." 31-07-09
  7. "People are responding to the Government's policy of cadre deployment with a policy of trash bin deployment." 30-07-09
  8. "This is a protest. All you do is sit in front of the TV watching sport all day!" 29-07-09
  9. "I suppose there is a silver lining in the wave of protests against Government's failure to deliver . Trouble is the silver is still lining too many pockets." 28-07-09
  10. "Helen Zille says Government officials should stop buying luxury cars to the limit of what they are allowed in the official handout book." 27-07-09
  11. "It's the latest style inspired by the recession...the budget cut." 24-07-09
  12. "I want prompt and regular service delivery. See that my Merc' and my BMW are delivered for a service every 10,000 kms." 22/017/09
  13. "They've put a stop to the canned lion-hunting industry. Now they need to do something about the SABC's canned programme industry." 21/07/09
  14. "What Moeletsi Mbeki is saying is that BEE adds BEE-all value to the SA economy." 20-07-09
  15. "The Competitions Board should look into collusion in the striking industry in the run-up to the World Cup." 17072009
  16. "We haven't got any room to complain with all our protectionist policies protecting crooks in government from prosecution." 16072009
  17. "Cope doesn't seem to have a leader, but at least they're consistent. They don't seem to have a policy either."
  18. "I don't mind living below the line. What I object to is living below the Liesbeek!" 13072009
  19. ''When it comes to dealing with Africa's tyrants, our message to Barack Obama is, 'No we can't'." 13072009
  20. "The Government should start small. They could kick off by nationalising all the potholes." 10072009
  21. "What's a bit of eye-gouging in rugby compare to the continuous level of ear-scourging that goes on in soccer?!" 01-07-09
  22. "Schalk Burger should keep his finger out of other peoples eyes and de Villiers should keep his foot out of his own mouth." 30-06-09
  23. "I suppose that's what you'd call a cite for sore eyes." 29-06-09
  24. "Sad story in the paper of a man who died of electrocution. He dropped dead from shock when he saw his electricity bill." 26-06-09
  25. "So what ? If I had to kill my Popsy Crisps before eating them, I'd be a cereal killer too." 25-06-09
  26. "Now we know what the ANC means when it says if ever the Cope or the DA got into power it would be the end of the world." 24-06-09
  27. " I asked Sepp what he was going to about the Vuvuzela and he said,practice!" 23-06-09
  28. "'I haf been mugged!....She vas dark-haired,black-eyed and about 84-54-82."
  29. "So you're a member of the SABC Board......Ingoing, outgoing, interim or outerim?"
  30. "We've got a system of one-man-one-vote. Come 2010 we'll almost have a system of one-match-one-stadium." 18-06-2009
  31. 16-06-2009
  32. "It looks like the title of Alan Boesak's book , 'Running with Horses', should be changed to 'Holding your Horses'. 10-06-2009
  33. "Zuma has proved once again that he's a loyal and dedicated party man. He had twenty-four cows slaughtered at his last one." 09062009
  34. "The dogs bark and the caravan moves on. Perhaps like Cape Town we should be thinking of legislating for a maximum of six minutes an hour and three minutes at night." 08062009
  35. "President Zuma might have thought twice about promising 500,000 jobs in six months if he'd quoted from Mother Hubbard's poem about the state of her cupboard." 05-06-09
  36. "He's living dangerously. Coastal Management might take him for a beached whale." 04-06-09
  37. "Zuma's going to be in trouble with the taxi bosses for using a BRT bus and not a taxi to take him to Parliament." 03-06-06
  38. "If the state of the nation is anything like the state of our bank balance, we're in a hek of a state!"
  39. "Manto was so good at taking health workers for a ride when she was minister, she's been appointed to Parliament's tourism portfolio committee."
  40. "Mining of minerals has gone down by 22 per cent and undermining of Zille has gone up by 80 per cent." 28-05-2009
  41. "With the purchase of all those luxury cars it's nice to see the cabinet doing its bit to lift the motor industry out of recession." 27-05-2009
  42. "It's from one of the striking doctors telling us what he thinks of their pay scales, and I'm very glad we can't read his handwriting." 26-05-2009
  43. "This time next year I'll be a major in the police force. I'm a minor at the moment." 20-05-2009
  44. "Potholed streets, broken water mains! The only things that get fixed are commodity prices!
  45. "I suppose it's alright for S'bu Ndebele to accept a fee Merc'....As long as he doesn't get it at a discount." 19-05-2009
  46. "Following the same logic as the argument against Zille's all male cabinet, the new Minister of Internationals Relations , like her predecessor, simply wants to jump into bed with the world's top dictators."
  47. "We bring you the latest spat between the DA and The ANCYL.....Parental guidance is advised."
  48. "We bring you the latest interchange between the DA and the ANC Youth League. Because of strong language and explicit insults parental guidance is recommended."
  49. "As the new Minister of the Environment, will Buyelwa Sonjika be as good as saving the environment as she was at messing it up when she was Minster of Minerals and Energy?"
  50. "At least Zuma promises to govern by being close to the people,unlike Thabo , who governed by remote control."
  51. "It seems that during his last days in office greedy developers got quite a few nog 'n enetjies......met Uys."
  52. "Who knows. Without a shower on his head or a machine gun in his hand, he might become quite presidential."
  53. "With so many politicians jostling at the feeding trough, it looks like swine fever has finally struck." 08-05-2009
  54. "Close your ears! He's an ex-MP swearing the oath of not getting into office." 07-05-2009
  55. "I suppose, like Zuma, Selebi is going to find a tapeway to freedom." 05-05-2009
  56. "Zuma's pretty good at dancing to music. Pity he's not so hot at facing it." 04-05-2009
  57. "I'd go easy with the huffing and puffing...We've got swing 'flu'."
  58. "Norwegian salmon in dill cream."
  59. "In principle I refuse to eat this chicken burger. Like the satire directed at Julius Malema, it's tasteless!"
  60. "Intelligent dog, Bonzo....He's just not very impressed with the 2009 election pole."
  61. "I put an 'x' next to an opposition party and an 'ex' next to the ANC.
  62. "I'd like to vote. If only I could find a party not run by politicians."
  63. "The ANC has produced a big icon at their final rally and I'm going to produce a big 'aikona' on my voting paper."
  64. "Let them complete the revolution by appointing Julius Malema Emeritus Professor of Woodwork."
  65. "Just a lot of other cheap, imitation products made in Hong Kong."
  66. "The Stormers coach must also be an ANC supporter. He's also got a left wing a right wing and he fails to deliver."
  67. "The Zuma circus has everyone in government jumping through a hoop and the NPA jumping through a legal loophole."
  68. "The difference in public opinion regarding Zuma's innocence is making our banana republic into a banana split."
  69. "The Zuma circus has got everyone in Government jumping through a hoop and the NPA jumping through a technical loophole."
  70. "Zuma should be phoning Leonard McCarthy and saying,'Thanks,Mac, you got me off Scott-free'."
  71. " 'The Mbeki plot'... I'm afraid I've only got it on tape."
  72. "How do I know you're not an opportunistic politician visiting our church and taking a collection for your party."
  73. "Must be catching...the Government's having problems with the roll-out of ARVs and Cape Town airport is having a problem with the roll out of fire hoses."
  74. "And don't feed the tourists. They'll get into bad habits."
  75. "Global warming, global recession....Now we've got global toxification!"
  76. "Global warming, global recession...Now we've got global toxicity!"
  77. "I see SAA is providing two packets at the back of each seat...One in case of air sickness and one for donations to relieve the airline's debt burden."
  78. "I've got complete trust in Zuma ...Complete trust that he'll be a total flop if he becomes President of SA."
  79. "It looks like Cope has already been beaten at the poles."
  80. "My condition is terminal. Doctors say I'm not expected to live beyond 105."
  81. "It seems the ANC is hell-bent on Skwatsha-ing their chances of winning the Western Cape."
  82. "Shabir Shaiik has been granted parole because he's nervously affected, pathologically afflicted and politically connected."
  83. "Now they're taking political insult too far. Somebody's compared us to Julius Malema!"
  84. "It's high time the politicians granted Madiba fulltime grandpa-ternity leave."
  85. "The ANC needs not only an official spokesman, they also need an official apologiser."
  86. "People are saying this could be Trevor's last budget, in which case bang goes Darwin's theory, the survival of the fittest."
  87. "Thabo wasn't at the opening of Parliament because he had a previous engagement, which is odd because Zuma has got two present engagements and he was there."
  88. "It's going to be a difficult campaign as the army will be fighting on several fronts - Cope, the ANC, DA, IFP, ID and the Freedom Front."
  89. "Zuma says having a sitting president involved in a criminal trial creates a bad precedent ........It creates and even worse president."
  90. "If they think the independence of the NPA is only hypothetical, the ANC's professed support of the rule of law must be only hypocritical."
  91. "Morgan Tsvangerei will be made Prime Minister in Zim's unity government and prime scapegoat if it fails."
  92. "I'm in a real dilemma about who I would prefer as President to Zuma.....Graeme Smith or Johan Botha."
  93. "Nice one, Ed. What fly are you using?"
  94. "Another bitter pill for Manto to swallow and she's not even going to get it at the maximum R26 cap"
  95. "The SADC probably tried to knock a few heads together to get a Zim settlement, which is a change from their usual habit of knocking a few knees together every time they confront Mugabe."
  96. "I hope those followers of Zuma can swim because next thing he's going to be walking on water."
  97. "Zuma also inspires hope ...the hope that he won't become President."
  98. "I'm glad Barrack Obama is using Abraham Lincoln as his role model, unlike George Bush whose role model seems to have been Groucho Marx."
  99. "One-day cricket teams are uncertain how they should use the Power Play. They should ask the ANC."
  100. "After quiet diplomacy it looks like the ANC is having a crack at cunning diplomacy."
  101. "And this is the Hansard record of parliamentary proceedings which represents a valuable rubber stamp collection."
  102. "I guess Jacob Zuma's guilt or innocence will finally be determined when weighed on the scales of politics."
  103. "I wonder if the recall of Thabo is going to be recalled now that the charges against Zuma have been recalled."
  104. "Does this mean Athol Trollip or Ryan Coetzee will become DA leader in Parliament and Sandra Botha will become DA leader in Prague?"
  105. "And, yes it looks as though Graeme Smith, the Proteas' captain, is coming out to bat after all."
  106. "They could have made it a lot more difficult by asking them to add up how many wives and children Jacob Zuma has."
  107. "I left my husband sunbathing around here about an hour ago. Now, because of the trash build-up, I can't find him."
  108. "It seems as far as Foreign Affairs is concerned, the further away the crisis, the louder the diplomacy."
  109. "And Steyn's last delivery was a thunderbolt off his bat at 180km/h!"
  110. "We'll have to watch that the judiciary doesn't make any new year counter-revolutions."
  111. "I thought it was in the bag with 394 and them on 198 for 7, but I didn't take account of the bleedin' Duminy effect."
  112. "Dad saw Jacob Zuma making a speech on TV and he threw his shoe at him."
  113. "Who better to sort out bungling and incompetence in the ANC than Nomaindia. She's an expert at it."
  114. "It happens every year with the South African Christmas rush."
  115. "A lot of South Africans are regarding the new breakaway party as the Cope of Good Hope."
  116. "For the sake of accuracy when he aimed his boot at George Bush, that journalist should have kept his foot in it."
  117. "No doubt the Brits and Americans are the evil geniuses behind the Zim outbreaks of paranoia and megalomania as well."
  118. "COPE should challenge the ANC's right to use the name, because voters could think they were voting for the old ANC."
  119. "I suppose it's a choice between the BRT, Bus Rapid Transport system, and the BAT, Bloody Awful Taxi system."
  120. "So you think you can get away with driving under the influence. Who do you think you are? Tony Yengeni?"
  121. It seems President Motlanthe decided to fire Pikoli after the ANC carefully applied his mind to the Ginwala report."
  122. "Vusi Pikoli hasn't a clue about national security. If you arrested all the top crooks the government would collapse."
  123. "There are a lot of snakes around in Newlands forest this year. The ANC would probably say they're on the campaign trail for COPE."
  124. "There's been an assassination attempt. Somebody put local water in Mugabe's whiskey."
  125. "In these tough economic times, we are offering special prices on our cheaper models."
  126. "An election in March... Looks like the start of about 100 days of factionalism."
  127. "It's the ANC. They want to consult you on their new social welfare policy."
  128. "I couldn't help travelling at 180km/h down Voortrekker Road, Officer. I was caught in the middle of a Zuma motorcade."
  129. "Surprise election date... It looks like Zuma's jumping the umshini wam."
  130. "The ANC wants the SABC to make Motlanthe look less presidential, so we should show more of him calling for his machine gun."
  131. "Carl Niehaus no doubt wishes that Shikota had the same principles as those fine upstanding Travelgate and corruption suspects in the ANC national executive."
  132. "Zuma criticising pregnant teenagers is like the pot calling the kettle chromatically challenged."
  133. "George Bush is leaving a terrible legacy. Unfortunately for him, Obama's going to inherit it."
  134. "It could be a problem for COP if before the divorce from the ANC they were married in community of intellectual property."
  135. "Dad's no Barack Obama. I asked him if we could go out for a burger and he said:'No we can't'."
  136. "Zuma can kick off by forcing Julius Malema to go back to school and get a decent matric."
  137. "Jacob Zuma says as with the Scorpions there should be a national debate on whether to retain the Springbok logo before the ANC gets rid of it."
  138. "It's a triumph for democracy. No one offered to kill for Obama and he never once called for his umshini wam."
  139. "O, daar kom Barack Obama..."
  140. "It looks like it's a battle between the bigamists and the bigamouths."
  141. "The ANC has received another blow to their election campaign........Thabo's supporting them."
  142. "The trouble is that whoever designed this building didn't get an engineer's charter. He got the Freedom Charter from the ANC."
  143. "That's a big word for Julius Malema. He probably saw it on his school report."
  144. "They should just keep it simple and let Helen be mayor, leader of the opposition and premier."
  145. "And that was Mr Nhlanhla Nene, chairperson of the portfolio committee on finance, giving a graphic demonstration of the state of the financial markets."
  146. "My financial adviser says there are only two options he'd recommend at the moment - anti-depressants and suicide."
  147. "Terror Lekota's break-a-way party will have difficulty bearing fruit. It won't be able to offer any of the plums of office."
  148. "There's been a turn-up in the world stock markets. They've all gone belly up."
  149. "Ag, no , let's throw the Springbok out and go for the Hammer and Sickle to show the All Blacks we'll hammer in the loose and they'll sukkel in the scrums."
  150. "Obviously the end of the race for the presidency isn't a photo-finish."
  151. "Ted drank so much he finally lost his mind....Probably fell out of his ear."
  152. "Could be tricky in the Springbok scrum if every time they shout "heave" Luke Watson pukes on his Springbok jersey."
  153. "The banks have crashed , stock markers have hit the deck, the property markets have turned belly up and we're all bankrupt."
  154. "Try playing a demographically selected team against the All Blacks or Wallabies and it'll be hanged, drawn and quotad."
  155. "I dunno.....It just doesn't have the same ring!"
  156. "I'm going to my the bank to arrange a loan. My bank manager needs one."
  157. "The ANC has strayed so far from its principles Terror should call his new party, the Old African National Party."
  158. "It's a bit thick! Having recalled Thabo as President, now the ANC wants to re-recall him as an election drawcard."
  159. "You can't tell where the ANC is positioning itself from the insults, which are flying left, right and centre."
  160. "Course I know what climate change is. It means it hasn't rained in Cape Town for three days."
  161. "Thank goodness we're not at war against anyone. Charles Nqakula didn't do very well in the war against crime."
  162. "What you in the media don't understand is that there's no fight in the ANC...Just a bit of contestation."
  163. "Multiple loans without proper collateral! I suppose what the average Joe Soap is suffering is collateral damage."
  164. "If Julius Malema is elected to Parliament next year the ANC can appoint him their chief whippersnapper."
  165. "From the office of the president, Mr President, a reminder to take your beetroot and lemon juice."
  166. "What you need is rest and quiet. Cut out all news broadcasts and stop reading the newspapers."
  167. "Like Jacob Zuma, I want to get my own back."
  168. "I always say what keeps us South Africans together is the spirit of ubuntu and the spirit of ubraaivleis."
  169. "Thank goodness we'll be spared a Baleka Mbete presidency. Even without a driving licence she'd drive us all round the bend."
  170. "If the Zim agreement falls apart Thabo will be left without a legacy to stand on."
  171. "Looking at the SA's total Beijing medal count it seems our Olympic athletes were handicapped by having both legs."
  172. "I guess it's another call of the wilds."
  173. "Zimbabwe may have a deal, but whether it works depends on how many cards Mugabe's got hidden up his sleeve."
  174. "The cloudy weather should clear soon. Pity the only cloud that's not going to disappear is the one hanging over Zuma's head."
  175. "I suppose what the Zuma supporters are saying is that if their man is prosecuted they are prepared to trash the courts with the greatest respect."
  176. "On the other hand the cartoon could be saying a gentleman would never leave justice unsatisfied."
  177. "What we need are some of those sex tapes to fire up interest in Bafana Bafana."
  178. "Tito Mboweni is doing a great job fighting inflation. With a 28-percent salary increase he's beating it by 14 percent."
  179. "I see that, as supreme commander, Thabo watched a review of the ANC"
  180. "As his new official adviser, I wonder if Rasool will advise Kgalema Montlante to appoint a judge to head up a commission to look into the behaviour of the ANC Youth League."
  181. "I see the ANC Uncouth League has slammed Montlante for daring to tell them to watch their language."
  182. "I don't it quite measures up to the Haka."
  183. "If Zimbabwe takes inflation into account and adds 4 noughts to their thee-medal tally, they'll clean up by far in the medal stakes."
  184. "That blurred image isn't a reception fault. That's Usain Bolt."
  185. "No doubt after he said the justice system is in a shambles Johnny de Lange's relationship with the Minister of Justice has broken down irretrievably."
  186. "We should invite Thabo to the farm to advise us on how we can cut a deal with a jackal."
  187. "Ag, that's the trouble with SA sport. There's no fun and enjoyment..... Just Frolick and Komphela."
  188. "With the widescale disappearance of dockets, hopelessly understaffed investigation officers and minimal resources, it's not surprising that when it comes to hearing criminal cases the justice system finds itself, so to speak, clueless."
  189. "I see the Chinese have won the synchronised diving as well as the synchronised singing events."
  190. "Hek, no, I'd never use transformer oil to fry my fish and chips! Used engine oil is much cheaper."
  191. "Good news! Your urine test reveals only a high level of carbon-monoxide."
  192. "If the Scorpions are history I guess the public hearings by the portfolio committee on safety and security are just pre-history."
  193. "When the price of petrol goes down it will probably come up again, unlike that new sub in the Simonstown dockyard."
  194. "I see there's already been a disqualification from an Olympic event. Mugabe's been told to stay away from the opening ceremony."
  195. "Take us to your leader." "We don't seem to have one at the moment."
  196. "Zuma is going to be the face of the ANC election campaign and the way things are shaping up it looks as though Julius Malema is going to be its voice."
  197. "Many are saying the only way to restore calm to the country is to pardon everyone involved in corruption in the arms deal by declaring a general travesty."
  198. "In the talks Mugabe will try to seek a confluence of objectives with MDC with the accent on con."
  199. "I suppose, as Julius Malema says, it doesn't matter if Zuma rules in an orange suit from a presidential suite in Pollsmore."
  200. "Is that Andre Nel bowling or the Abominable German?"
  201. "There's a hole in my Jumbo Dear Lisa, dear Lisa......"
  202. "It certainly is a vast crater, but as craters go not quite as vast as Julius Molema's mouth."
  203. "Some of us are blessed with healing hands. The ANC is obviously blessed with a healing boot."
  204. "Good news, Dear. According to SA Stats we're going bankrupt about 10% slower than we thought we were."
  205. "She's very upset. They wouldn't let her attend Madiba's birthday bash even though she was a VIP gatecrasher."
  206. "Madiba has show that it's a long walk to freedom and Mugabe has demonstrated that it's a short dash to tyranny."
  207. "Another triumph for Madiba. His birthday is the first one your father has managed to remember in the last ten years!"
  208. "Typical press misquote! What Malema said was that the counter-revolutionary DA must be illuminated."
  209. "Life is tough in the ANC. First one of their senior members got stabbed. Now two of their premiers have been shafted."
  210. "Many in the ANC Government are counter-revolutionaries themselves. One's never quite sure what's going on under the counter."
  211. "The G8 countries have promised a massive reduction in the release of carbon gases, but no timetable... Another greenhouse gas omission?"
  212. "Lots of promises to reduce carbon gases, but no plans, no schedules, no interim targets.........Just another greenhouse gas omission."
  213. "The San Andreas fault lies through San Francisco and the Gautrain fault lies through the middle of Jo'burg."
  214. "Madiba or tails?"
  215. "Unlike our government, Zanu/PF is doing about their country's high murder rate...They're contributing to it."
  216. "No doubt Mbeki will tell the industrial nations to keep their noses out of Africa, and to put their money where their noses were."
  217. "He was a great South African hero. Now he's just another illegal scup metal statistic."
  218. "I wonder what's happened to our moral compass.... Probably stolen by one of those scrap metal merchants."
  219. "I wonder where political and social upheaval and the collapse of the Zim' economy features on the Richter scale."
  220. "I shoot to kill you with all my heart, Darling."
  221. "Must be another petrol price increase in the offing."
  222. �It seems Mugabe has his troops standing by and has declared an election against his people.�
  223. �It seems Mugabe has his troops standing by and has declared an election against his people.�
  224. "I suppose if Molema's statement is just 'the exuberance of youth', Mugabe's actions in Zim are just the exasperation of senility."
  225. "Wonderful! There's going to be a win-win result in the Zimbabwe election. Mugabe will win if he wins the election and he'll win if he loses the election."
  226. "Some people seem to think we don't have to work persistently at democracy, just have a stab at it."
  227. "Mbeki and Zuma say all is peaceful in ANC ranks, but I guess truth is stranger than friction."
  228. "I suppose in the end Tito had no choice. He was caught between demand pull, cost push and survival scramble".
  229. "Nice to know we've found a solution to the world's starving motor cars."
  230. "Other countries temper justice with mercy. We seem to temper it with controversy."
  231. "John McCain should have a good chance of getting the American pensioners' vote. He's one himself."
  232. "I tried to interest the SABC in a new comedy script, but they said management is creating their own."
  233. "If the airlines have any lay-offs she can always get a job as a spokesperson for the Governor of the Reserve Bank telling people to keep their belts tightened."
  234. "Look! It's a presidential lame duck. You don't often see them in the country."
  235. "The Government's policy on xenophobic violence seems to be one of quiet activity, which like quiet diplomacy, means doing be-all!"
  236. "It's tragic. The poor Zimbabweans have a stark choice between xenophobia in South Africa and megalomania in Zimbabwe."
  237. "Mugabe has decided that instead of a partial recount he's going to have a martial recount of votes"
  238. "Thabo Mbeki is a lame duck president because he probably injured his leg falling off the high moral ground."
  239. "I give up. When it comes to spin Thabos PR men have got me beat"
  240. "And if Mugabe loses the run-off election for the presidency he can always demand a run-off of the run-off."
  241. "As a Cabinet Minister Susan Shabangu needs to be scratched .....She's got an itchy trigger finger."
  242. "I don't know if Thabo recognises it, but there's a real crisis looming at the latest meeting of UN Security Council........He's chairing it."
  243. "Sorry, the price of bread has gone up about 5c a crumb!"
  244. "Mugabe orders a partial recount. They surely weren't expecting him to order an impartial recount?!"
  245. "Thabo's policy on Zim' is quiet, but not so quiet you can't hear a brick drop."
  246. "It's an old anti-apartheid one I saved from the sixties."
  247. "The ANC Youth League election is better run than Zimbabwe's. We have our violence on election day as well."
  248. "As Barney Pityana said, Thabo brought intellectual rigour into the presidency. Pity he brought intellectual rigor-mortis into his policy on Zimbabwe."
  249. "As they say, old dictators never die. They simply go coup-coup."
  250. "And to my son,Robert, the remaining petrol in my car's fuel tank."
  251. "Tell the chef it's as overcooked as a Zimbabwe election result!"
  252. "They're doing it in Zimbabwe as well, only they call it burden-shedding."
  253. "Surfers will soon be flocking to Durban to catch the famous North Beach sewage pipeline."
  254. "Mugabe should win the election. He's not allowing a postal vote and no doubt he will be heavily supported by the ghostal vote."
  255. "It's another taxi driver pledging to knock my block off if I don't get out of his way."
  256. "All I can say is if Zuma is pretender to the presidency, at least somebody is pretending to president of this country."
  257. "Who said Bob Mugabe has no time for election monitors. Some of his best friends are election monitors."
  258. "Would you like Zuma's statement in the early edition or his retraction in the late edition?"
  259. "Chicken Licken thinks the sky has fallen, but actually he's been hit on the head by the falling rand."
  260. "The first South African city whose water system is declared dangerously contaminated will be renamed e-Coli."
  261. "Bloody Aussies!... They've beaten us at cricket, rugby and hockey. Now they've gone and beaten us at saying sorry!"
  262. "It seems like the Scorpions are leaking stories to the media like our municipal systems are leaking water."