Bevani Vurdiah recently attended one of a BackChat session which focused on women, and was pleasantly surprised at the positive experience.
A couple of weeks ago I was extended an invite to BackChat. This initiative created by Deputy Minister Buti Manamela seeks to create an open platform for the youth to engage with prominent people in various sectors on issues pertinent to young South Africans.
Upon hearing that the topic would be the issues facing young women in our country, I must admit I was slightly apprehensive. I find that during women's month, we tend to try to overcompensate for a problem that is relevant throughout the year. I also fear that these discussions are often a space to just be angry about the injustice of gender inequality and often no tangible outcomes are seen.
I am glad to say that I was pleasantly surprised. The room was filled with inspirational women.
We heard Hulisani Ravele speak about how tough it is for women to be taken seriously in media, the concept that we need to be pretty and show as much skin as possible to get a job; she also spoke about how she's gone back to university after 10 years so that she can start taking charge of her own journey, and begin creating content.
Sibulele Gcilitshana told us how she defied the typical story of being a teen mom. She's worked hard, became an incredibly multi-talented actor, dancer and singer; who is emphatically proud of speaking English with a Xhosa accent. There's no reason to lose the accent when looking for a job, she's African and a woman and proud.
The former captain of Banyana Banyana, Amanda Dlamini, told us how vastly different their lives are compared to their male counterparts. How difficult it is to get sponsorships or even uniforms. It's terrifying because these women dedicate their lives to representing our country and we can't take care of them because women in sports are just not taken seriously enough.
Precious Banda spoke about how it's ok to be angry. To be the 'angry feminist'. Because she is angry. She is angry that a woman has to question whether she lost a job because she was judged on her gender and not her capabilities. She is angry that we do not feel safe walking by ourselves to get to work or school. We should all be angry that women are dismissed as incapable simply for being women and we have to work that much harder to prove ourselves.
Lato Mabaso made interesting comments about how it is women that create half the problem. We judge each other and fail to support each other. We should be defining ourselves and be happy with who we are. It shouldn't matter whether she has a weave or not, or wants botox, or wants to wear a short skirt. Is she smart? Is she capable? Focus on those things and everyone else will see those things too.
This issue of not supporting each other was a strong one during the discussion. Women are guilty of putting each other down based on superficial qualities, and it's sad because we're going through a struggle already, why would we make it harder?
The beautiful thing was despite pointing this out as one of our greatest flaws, we saw the exact opposite happening in the very room we sat in. One of the participants spoke about how important it was to know what you're good at, to know it and to own that greatness. This ability to market oneself is how she got a sponsorship from a prominent sporting company despite not being a sportswoman. And there, as she spoke, she reached out to Amanda Dlamini and said: "I will help you if you want it."
Helping each other is vital and it is only through support and sheer force of will that we can start balancing the gender inequalities we face every day. It's a constant struggle because the gender stereotypes we live with are so heavily ingrained in our lives.
We see it from birth where we give girls toy babies and kitchen sets and subconsciously tell them they belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. This may seem small but the issue extends to the girl that can't go to school because she got her period. It's the way you were born, you were designed to give birth, sanitary wear is an expensive luxury we cannot afford and so you shouldn't go get an education and better yourself. It's telling a young girl to go home because her skirt is too short and it's distracting the others. The subconscious message is that a boy's inability to focus on the work is more important than her education. Is that what we should be telling young girls?
Feminism is such an incredibly diverse issue that couldn't possibly be solved in the 3 hours we had. But we attempted to begin unpacking it and if nothing else we changed the mindsets of the people in that room, who will hopefully go on to do that for others.
* Bevani Vurdiah is a Brightest Young Minds alumnus
** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media.