Ideal gifts for our politicians

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INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPERS

Economic Freedom Fighter (EFF) spokesperson Floyd Shivambu and EFF leader Julius Malema File picture: Itumeleng English

Cape Town - Our politicians have sailed through a bucketful of blunders this year, with some repeating their old vices.

Some stayed out of controversy, and focused on their jobs, and deserve applause for that. Others got embroiled in new scandals, like Zwelinzima Vavi, Dina Pule and Tony Yengeni.

The Nkandla saga continued where it left off last year, remaining a contentious topic throughout this year. The booing choir emerged during the last month of the year and left its own mark, as did fake interpreter Thamsanqa Jantjie.

The media was there to capture all the gaffes. But after all is said and done, our embattled public figures also deserve to cheer up.

Here’s what Weekend Argus suggests that Father Christmas gets them as gifts:

* Fake interpreter Jantjie – Another state gig.

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Agang leader Mamphela Ramphele

INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPERS

* ANC spin doctor Jackson Mthembu – Jantjie as his full-time interpreter.

* Economic Freedom Fighters leader Julius Malema – A new speedometer and an all-expenses paid holiday with Steve Hofmeyr.

* Public Works Minister Thulas Nxesi – The Book of Lies by Aleister Crowley.

* Agang SA leader Mamphela Ramphele – New headgear to replace the pharoan doek.

* Numsa general secretary Irvin Jim – Dental work to avoid a leadership gap in Numsa.

* Zwelinzima Vavi – a pack of Lover’s Plus condoms.

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Numsa general secretary Irvin Jim

INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPERS

* President Jacob Zuma – Swimming lessons and a life jacket for his fire pool baptism.

* Inkatha Freedom Party leader Mangosuthu Buthelezi – A mini statue of freedom, for when Madiba was asked, “Who is this man?” apparently (according to the prince) he said: “A true freedom fighter in his own right.”

* DA parliamentary leader Lindiwe Mazibuko – Braai packs and alcohol for the black caucus’s Black Christmas.

* DA Helen Zille – A Twitterless smartphone.

* Former Communications minister Dina Pule – A dating service.

* Agriculture Minister Tina Joemat-Pettersson – A weekend away with the public protector.

* Public Protector Thuli Madonsela – A new weave.

* Cosatu spokesman Patrick Craven – A long-overdue retirement package.

* Acting SABC chief operating officer Hlaudi Motsoeneng – An online matric certificate from the College of Fake Interpreters.

* The Guptas – A radio station and their own airport.

* ANC Youth League’s convener Mzwandile Masina – A new date of birth to make him eligible for league election.

* Public Service and Administration minister Lindiwe Sisulu – An office at the One&Only Hotel.

* UDM leader Bantu Holomisa – A new membership card of the ANC, organised by the Mandela family.

Weekend Argus


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