Few black parents would take half a day off work to support their child’s first ballet competition, piano or violin classes, says Kabelo Chabalala.
Johannesburg - "It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it is good, too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven’t lost the things that money can’t buy,” said George Horace Lorimer.
Today, a lot of black parents who have money think and act as if the things they can afford are more important than those things money cannot buy, like being an active parent in their children’s lives.
This involves doing homework together with their children, attending their children’s soccer, netball, hockey or cricket matches.
Very few black parents are there to be their children’s No 1 cheerleaders. They simply throw money at them, ensuring they’ve got all the necessary sporting kits, gadgets and everything else money can buy. But that is not enough.
People’s levels of commitment to their jobs far surpasses their love and support for their children. We treasure our jobs more than we treasure our priceless children. This is because jobs are still viewed as luxuries, understandably so. This is not the same with most of our white counterparts.
I would drag myself to work with a terrible flu because I need this job and I cannot afford to mess it up or being perceived as someone who is absent frequently at work or lazy.
This was until I realised that if my white colleague’s dog or cat is sick, they immediately ask to be excused from work to go home and take their pet to the vet.
Such is how they value their pets, which are essentially a part of their family. When it is the first competitive rugby match, hockey match or swimming classes, they take the day off to go cheer their children on and be their support base. It is not just about buying them what they need to participate and even forgetting the date of their participation.
It is about actively playing their roles as parents. I know very few black parents who would take half a day off at work to go get ready for their child’s first ballet competition, piano or violin classes.
In most cases, the black parents just throw money at the "problems" and move on. This sad reality takes me back to my heydays as a sports star.
I was an amazing sprinter and soccer player during my school days as a teenager. As a lad who enjoyed the short distance, the thrill of a 100m or 200m sprint sent chills down my spine.
As they said “on your marks get set”, and then fired the gun, I would speed off aiming for position one. And boy, did I run like my next breath depended on it.
I was the No 1 sprinter of my days.
On the soccer field, I was the lanky striker who hardly had to battle with any defender for the aerial balls. My left foot was so powerful that long range shots and dead balls from the right side of the field that needed curling were my speciality since primary school days.
But my family were never present at the soccer games to watch me do what I was good at. They would hear about it during awards or parent’s meetings at school. Teachers and principals would tell tales of how great I was and how high I was hoisting the school’s flag.
That never pushed my family to go watch me even once. They never saw the value of their presence at the fields. This almost killed my ambitions. I thought one day I would be a superstar and be watched on TV playing for Bafana Bafana or representing the country all over the world.
This is because to a black parent, extra-mural activities at school are a waste of time.
Not every child is born with the gift of academic excellence, and perhaps if we supported them in their ventures, academic and non-academic without questioning them, we would see their success and the value of a present parent.
To you black parent, know that your presence in your child’s life has no price tag.
They need you more than the money you throw at them.
* Kabelo Chabalala is the Founder of the Young Men Movement; @KabeloJay on Twitter or [email protected]
** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media.