Lou-Anne Daniels says the Courtney Pieters case is not the first time that she has seen this phenomenon where grieving parents are burdened with public opinion that lumps them in the same boat with their child’s alleged killer.
On Mother’s Day Juanita Pieters faced something no mother should, but too many South African mothers do.
On that day she was told that the body of her 3-year-old daughter Courtney, who had been missing for 9 days, had been found dumped in an industrial area close to the family home.
Immediately, the rumour mill started swirling. Fingers were pointed and questions about the parents’ responsibility, or lack thereof raised. At that point, there was no suspect, and the facts around the death of the little girl were unknown.
What we did know was that she went missing after her mother left for work, leaving Courtney and her seven-year-old brother at the family's home. Beyond that, everything is conjecture, and will remain so until her alleged killer comes clean.
A reporter who was with the family daily until the little girl’s body was found has shared some of the family’s trauma and grief. According to her, Juanita was unable to eat, sleep, or work while her daughter was missing.
#CourtneyPieters: I can't sleep at night, says reporter
The heartbroken mother repeatedly appealed for the safe return of her little girl, and like many of us, believed that Courtney would return home, if not unharmed, then at least alive.
Courtney’s father has been vilified on social media and in discussions among ordinary citizens from bringing an alleged killer into his children’s lives and home.
The problem is that the suspect, if he is indeed the murderer and child rapist that police suspect him to be, had been a friend for years. He was known and liked by many in the community. His co-workers are stunned that he could be accused of such a heinous crime.
The suspect’s background was known to Courtney’s family – they worship at the same church where his father is a priest. In most cases, that alone would make a person inclined to trust him.
How then was anybody to know that he could possibly be a threat to the the little girl who watched cartoons in his room, and with whom he clearly had a bond?
Why is it the parents’ fault that their friend, who has no known record of ever having done something like this before, allegedly broke their trust, violated their child and then killed her?
Are we saying that the mother should not have left her children and gone to work? If so, who would provide food, warm clothes, and everything else a child needs to stay alive?
The children are definitely too young to be left unsupervised, but what do we know of their economic reality. These people live from hand to mouth, and had to take in a boarder to help make ends meet. To me, at least, it is clear that there was no money for a nanny or a daycare.
We don’t know what arrangement the mother had with neighbours, or even the lodger, to supervise the children. We just don’t know enough to judge.
What worries me is that this is not the first time I have seen this phenomenon where grieving parents are burdened with public opinion that lumps them in the same boat with their child’s alleged killer.
Even more worrying is that often the parents at whom the fingers are pointed are the poorest of the poor; the ones who cannot afford daycare or au pairs or even food; let alone a lawyer to defend their honour and reputation.
Instead of blaming parents, why are we as a society not asking how we can help prevent another situation like this?
Is there any way that we can lobby for affordable, or where necessary, free day care for the poor?
How about looking around our neighbourhood and identifying children whose parents leave them unsupervised because the parents need to work? Could we come together as a community and take turns to occupy these children in a safe environment for a few hours? Or just check on them periodically?
When children are left unsupervised because parents work the neighbours are almost always aware. Why is it only a problem when bad things happen to those children?
I refuse to accept that a mother would willingly put her child in harm’s way, and pray that Courtney’s mother, and any other mom who lost a child in a similar way, finds peace and forgives themselves for not being able to protect their beloved children.
* Lou-Anne Daniels is IOL's News Editor