‘I did everything to get gay boyfriend back’

Published May 4, 2013

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Durban - A woman who claims to have been in a romantic relationship with a man who recently tied the knot in a rare South African gay wedding, says she was left heartbroken when she found out that her boyfriend of four years was gay.

Zama Ngcobo, from Mandeni near Durban, said she tried everything to convince Thoba Sithole to change his sexual preference but it was all in vain as he went on to marry his gay lover, Tshepo Modisane, in a traditional Zulu wedding.

Sithole, a Joburg-based IT specialist, from Shakaville, KwaDukuza, and Modisane, an audit manager at PricewaterCoopers, exchanged vows last month in a front of 200 guests at the Stanger Siva Sungam community hall.

The young men, both 27, have known each other for years and dated on and off, before going steady.

Their traditional Zulu and Tswana wedding was billed as a ground-breaking beautiful ceremony, which attracted hordes of uninvited curious members of the local community.

It also sparked huge debate and criticism from culture and religious organisations, who said Zulu culture and religion did not recognise homosexuality.

The couple have remained defiant, saying they are unfazed by the barrage of condemnation. They have also dismissed Ngcobo’s allegations as “exaggerated.”

While Sithole confirmed that he was once romantically linked to Ngcobo, he said the relationship lasted just six months.

Ngcobo, 25, who stays on the Berea, told a different story this week when she spoke out about the hurt and anguish she went through when she found out that her boyfriend of four years was gay.

She was madly in love with Sithole, and according to her, the two were engaged to be married.

In an interview with Zulu sister newspaper, Isolezwe, Ngcobo spoke about their whirlwind love affair, the proposal, the gay rumours and how Sithole even tried to commit suicide when he couldn’t rid himself of his strong attraction for men.

Recalling their relationship, Ngcobo said the two met through a mutual friend when they were both still in high school.

“He showed interest in me and asked for my number,” she said.

The two exchanged numbers and a relationship soon began. During their courtship, Ngcobo said she never suspected that something was amiss or that Sithole was gay.

“I just saw a guy who loved me deeply,” she said.

Sithole, she said, would always take her out to expensive restaurants and had never asked her to visit him at his place.

This made her love him even more, as he was different from other guys who were always after a physical relationship.

However, Ngcobo said she became suspicious when after dating for six months Sithole had still not invited her to his place.

“But even then I still saw a guy who was madly in love with me,” she said.

“He used to say he doesn’t want us to do (anything) and that he just wants to marry me. He even introduced me to his family,” she said.

According to Ngcobo, Sithole proposed soon after.

Ngcobo, who was head over the heels in love with Sithole, said he had pulled out a stunning ring before going down on one knee.

She agreed to marry him and her family started planning for the nuptials.

Sithole promised to come back to her family for the wedding discussion but things started unravelling and she got wind of the gay rumours.

She said Sithole started shrugging her off and would easily get irritated by her. He also started spending more time with his male friend. “Even when I went to visit him, this friend was always there,” she said.

Ngcobo said the friend was not Modisane.

Although tempted to call off the relationship because of Sithole’s dismissive behaviour and his close relationship with his male friend, Ngcobo said she loved him too much and decided to be more patient.

That’s when the gay rumours started.

“He would always get angry with me when I asked him about the rumours and I thought people were just making up stories,” she said.

However, the gay rumours were persistent and some of Sithole’s relatives even confirmed them.

“They told me that even when he slept with me he just did it to appease me.

“They told me he didn’t feel anything and didn’t like what he was doing,” she said.

Ngcobo said she has now moved on with her life, saying there is no bad blood between the two.

Responding via e-mail Sithole yesterday confirmed that the two had dated in 2005.

“She has known about my sexuality ever since,” he said.

He also dismissed claims that he had promised Ngcobo marriage.

“I was never engaged or made promises of me marrying her.

“No lobola was paid and I have not engaged or promised marriage to any other woman.”

Sithole said the couple would not be answering any more questions relating to the matter as it has “no beneficial outcome except to undermine our integrity and principles”.

“Tshepo and I love each other, we are happy in our marriage, rumours from outside have no bearing on our relationship,” he said.

The couple are reportedly planning to have children through a surrogate.

Contacted again last night, Ngcobo said she had been given strict instructions not to speak about the matter anymore.

Saturday Star

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