By Leila Samodien
Two years after Ellen Pakkies killed her tik addict son, the Lavender Hill mother says that while she misses him, her life has finally returned to "normal".
Pakkies strangled her son Abie, 20, to death exactly two years ago today - September 12, 2007. She pleaded guilty and in December last year, she was sentenced to a three-year prison term, suspended for three years, and 280 hours of community service.
While Pakkies, 48, walked away from the trial virtually a free woman, she said it has been a turbulent couple of years for her.
Her case was drawn out in court for almost 15 months. All the while, she was out on bail and was hounded by the media.
Soon, Pakkies became a familiar name and face in newspapers, especially local tabloids. People, many of whom supported her plight, started recognising her in the street.
Pakkies said that though she still felt anguish about killing her son, she wanted to use her renown to make a positive change among the youth. She started doing motivational speaking, and told of her ordeal at community gatherings, drug rehabilitation centres, youth events and even at prisons.
Two years on, she still does motivational speaking when people invite her. Sometimes, she makes time to speak to families who are living with a drug addict in their households.
She works at the Office of the Inspecting Judge as a messenger and cleaner. And she has plans to start her own rehabilitation centre in Lavender Hill. By occupying herself, Pakkies said, she kept her mind busy so that she did not have to think about how much she missed her son.
"I miss Abie all the time," she said. "Sometimes I stand at the door and see the young boys pass by. They wear their clothes the same way Abie did and it reminds me of him, so I just close the door."
She said she still feared that thinking of Abie's death would send her into depression.
"I'm not depressed; I've never been the type of person to become depressed, but I'm afraid of myself - that I will break down," she said.
Her life, however, now had a normality it never had during Abie's tik addiction.
"I thank the Lord for the peace I have in my life now," she said. "I can do ordinary things like go to the shops or hang up the washing. I don't have to be scared that he'll steal something."
She said even her husband, Odniel Pakkies, seemed to be happier.
While Pakkies does not grace newspapers as much as she used to, the media hype has not yet died down. Every now and then a documentary film- maker or a journalist turns up on her doorstep.
And, a book on South Africa's drug scourge, in which she will be featured, is set to be released in November.
Pakkies said her next big step is to open her own drug rehabilitation centre, which would provide a haven for entire families that have been affected by drugs, not just addicts.
"It doesn't hurt me to be called 'that mother who killed her son'. It hurts me when I see children, like Abie, on drugs," she said.
"My rehab centre can heal families. But it takes money and volunteers. If I can get sponsors and maybe even the help of someone with power, like (Premier) Helen Zille, I can make a change. I appeal to anyone who can help."