Durban – 2016 hasn’t all been doom and gloom. Amid the shock of Brexit, Trump and the various #MustFall campaigns, there was some light relief. Here are some of the more unusual, bizarre or downright stupid stories that made it across the world this year
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‘Surprise! I’m still alive!”
These are the words Noela Rukundo uttered to her husband when she gatecrashed her own funeral in Melbourne.
In February the BBC broke the story of how Rukundo had been visiting her native Burundi from Australia when she was kidnapped by a group of masked men, who said her husband had ordered her death.
Tied to a chair in a warehouse, Rukundo recalls hearing her husband’s voice echoing from one of the men’s cellphones: “Kill her”.
Rukundo spoke of her ordeal at the trial and sentencing of her husband, Belenga Kalala, 39, to nine years for his part in trying to have her killed. She was freed by her captives after two days. But they told her husband she was dead. She returned to confront her husband and heard he had organised a memorial service.
She stormed into her sham funeral to deliver revenge. Spotting her husband among the crowd of mourners, Rukundo bravely walked towards him.
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Also in February, a former Russian child actor won the prize of a lifetime – the chance to live with a porn star for a month.
Ruslan Schedrin, 16, was the 100000th visitor to a games website and was offered the prize of shacking up with adult actress Ekaterina Makarova in Moscow.
“I didn’t believe it at first,” Schedrin told Life News. “But when it turned out to be true, I was so happy. I saw her and I liked everything. She has got good sizes and so on. I am looking forward to our meeting, everything is boiling inside me.
“I have told my mother and she has taken it badly, but I think we’ll sort it out.”
“I am absolutely against it,” Vera Schedrina said. “He has got exams. They should give us 100000 roubles instead. How could they get such an idea for a 16-year-old boy? I am shocked.”
Makarova is in favour of the meeting, saying 16 is “a good age to be independent”. She also refused to rule out the idea of having sex with Schedrin.
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After a burglary at a taxidermy warehouse in London on March 1, police launched an appeal to help locate a stuffed chimpanzee dressed in a tie and top hat, and a number of its furry friends.
The Huffington Post reported that thieves broke into a warehouse in Wandsworth, south-west London, and used angle grinders to force their way into the premises.
The chimp was among 18 animals stolen. A penguin, giraffe, lion and sloth are among the missing items.
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Soon after Britain voted for Brexit in June, one internet jokester put Prime Minister David Cameron (who quit after the result was finalised) up for sale, but the killjoys at eBay deleted the listing.
The description read: “Used Prime Minister. No longer needed. Needs a bit of TLC. No box or instructions. Buyer must collect. Seller not prepared to touch item. Pick up from central London, address will be supplied on completion of sale. Buyer must arrange own transport.”
The condition was described as: “For parts, not working”.
The auction had 153 bids with one buyer offering £65900 (R1.1 million).
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A Hungarian weatherman was fired after pretending to fart on television.
Szilard Horvath used sound effects to make it look like he was breaking wind to illustrate gusty conditions in the landlocked European nation. He was fired when bosses failed to see the funny side.
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In April a resident in Belhaven, Mississippi, managed to get the city council to attend to a damaged road after two years – by throwing a birthday party for a pothole.
Eddie Prosser was tired of the inaction after 14 phone calls had failed to make a difference.
After the tongue-in-cheek protest was featured on the local news, city workers came and filled the huge hole.
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In June a Washington, DC, restaurant became locked in a war of words after a woman allegedly defecated in their dining room then left a bad review online.
The Huffington Post reported that the woman, named only as Emma C, used Yelp to leave a one-star rating for Nick’s Riverside Grill, accusing the bartender of overcharging her for a drink. Manager Liz S replied, accusing Emma C of losing control of her bowels in the middle of the restaurant and sitting in it for the rest of the evening.
“We had to remove our patrons so they didn’t walk through your mess. You then proceeded to throw your underwear in our trash can and our poor manager was left to clean up your faeces,” read her reply.
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One unlucky reveller used the internet when he begged strangers to help him find the trousers he was wearing when he went out on the town.
Canadian Andy Gaudry was visiting Halifax for his grandmother’s 80th birthday in early June when he got so inebriated he managed to lose his charcoal Calvin Klein chinos, and woke up with no memory of where he left them.
Posting on Reddit, he asked people for help locating his pants. “I blacked out and don’t know where I would have taken my pants off,” he wrote. His pants were handed in at his hotel on the same day.
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Police officers were called into action over an “illegal” rubber duck race disrupting the peace in a Gloucestershire village on June 19.
Bourton-on-the-water in the Cotswolds, UK, was hosting the event in an effort to raise money for a blood bank charity.
Soon after 100 bright yellow rubber birds were let loose on the River Windrush, a disgruntled local called the police to invoke an ancient law that says the river may not be used for fundraising on a Sunday.
Officers swept into action and threatened to arrest the organisers if the event wasn’t shut down.
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The Huffington Post also reported in July that Britons had been warned to stay alert because an unusually high number of seagulls were “tripping on acid” after eating flying ants.
Experts said the hot weather had caused a mass emergence of the insects, which seagulls like to eat despite it affecting their cognitive behaviour.
Dr Rebecca Nesbit of the Society of Biology said the ants contain formic acid, which can cause gulls to appear “drunk” and lose their inhibitions.
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A woman from Wayne, West Virginia, left her two beloved dogs in her car while she popped into Walmart, leaving the air conditioning on to ensure they didn’t get too hot.
The Huffington Post reported she left the keys in her car, but somehow the dogs disengaged the hand brake. A witness saw the car rolling slowly towards her before jumping out of the way – when she noticed a dog was behind the wheel. The owner was able to drive her vehicle home.
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In one of the strangest and most amusing stories to come out of the Rio Olympic games, Paul Kelso, a journalist for Sky Sports, reported on August 5 that an Olympic kayaker had capsized after hitting a submerged couch.
The report was not corroborated but organisers took it seriously enough to investigate.
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In August, a small Swedish town was rocked by a bizarre crime involving pig masks, sex, Pokémon and lasers. Two teenagers playing Pokémon Go were attacked with lasers by a pair wearing pig masks in Insjö* , which has just 2000 inhabitants. The attackers were later caught holding up traffic as they had sex at the town’s historic waterwheel.
A Sheffield man cut off his toe in a hardware store with bolt cutters and then stood in the aisle and ate the toe, AP reported on October 30.
South Yorkshire Police said: “The man was taken to hospital with injuries to his foot, where he remains. There are no other parties involved and the incident is not being investigated as a crime.”
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The Telegraph reported in November that a British adrenalin junkie had given new meaning to the phrase “high tea” – writing his name into Guinness World Records after completing the highest bungee dunk. Simon Berry, 24, of Sheffield, armed with a chocolate Hobnob, leapt from a platform about 75m above the ground to plant his biscuit into a tea-filled mug below.
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In December, African football chiefs were forced to outlaw witchcraft over fears players were using it to gain advantage.
In a game between Rwandan Premier League teams Mukura Victory and Rayon Sports, a player apparently performed a ritual mid-game, and within seconds scored a goal.
It was decided any player seen to take part in witchcraft would face a 100000 Rwandan francs (R1639) fine.
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Last week, The Independent on Saturday reported online that a bakkie stolen in Durban had been intercepted by the police while being towed across the Limpopo River by donkeys, on December 23.
The image of the grey Toyota Hilux van, in the middle of the brown river, with the donkeys and the suspects wading in front of the vehicle, has been widely shared on social media.
Limpopo SAPS spokesman Brigadier Motlafela Mojapelo said police had intercepted the smuggling of the vehicle from South Africa to Zimbabwe.
“The vehicle was semi-submerged and the suspects were about to make use of five donkeys to pull it out towards the Zimbabwe side.”
The suspects fled into Zimbabwe.