Her husband threatened to kill her if he ever got his hands on a gun.
Now the 38-year-old mother of two lives in constant fear of her husband, a man who was her friend in high school and took her to her matric dance.
After she broke up with the father of her first child, the man who became her husband made it clear he wanted more than friendship.
“My boy had turned 3 when he came to me and said he’d never given up on us, and so could we be a couple,” the soft-spoken woman said, the couple’s 6-month-old daughter on her lap.
She said before he ever lay a finger on her, her neighbours had questioned her about his aggression.
“When he was with me he was a quiet person and kept to himself. Sometimes he had scratches and I asked him about it but he would just deny he’d been in a fight.”
She enjoyed the time they spent together cooking and entertaining their families. She loved the fact that he appeared a “homely” person.
She also trusted him, believing he was not a cheat, unlike her ex-boyfriend.
But slowly the precious moments they shared were replaced by outbursts and arguments.
“I suspected he was on something but he was obviously hiding it from me.”
She held her daughter closer as she remembered their first physical fight, how he knocked her down and then stomped on her.
“My body was bruised and aching and I realised this man was no good. But because of our cultural beliefs that you don’t take your troubles to strangers I reported it to his grandmother who scolded him and just told me to ‘stay strong’.”
And strong she stayed, even when he slapped and kicked her during her pregnancy.
“He said he didn’t care about ‘that thing’ in my stomach.”
After a bad fight, the pregnant woman and her son would seek refuge with neighbours.
One day her husband returned home in what she believes was a “drug-fuelled rage” and trashed the home.
“He asked me why I don’t cook for him and I told him he doesn’t bring money home for me to do so. That’s when he threatened me.
“He said: ‘If I had a gun right now, I would shoot you. If I can get a place to hire me a gun I will shoot you. Even if you call the police it won’t stop me’.”
She took the children and fled, laying a charge with police. Her husband spent two days behind bars.
Tears trickled down her cheeks as she spoke of her fear that one day he would follow follow through on his threats.
She still lives with him and is still being abused.
Gun Free SA said in domestic violence, the threat or show of a firearm was “almost always” a predictor of it eventually being used.
The organisation said that before being shot, women reported being first threatened by their partners.
The organisation’s Claire Taylor said women were most likely to be shot in the home by their partner.
While females make up only 10 percent of the country’s gun homicide victims, firearms are often used when a woman is raped or to intimidate and threaten.
“One of the most common calls for help Gun Free SA gets is from women threatened by a partner.”
To mark Women’s Month, the organisation has joined Sonke Gender Justice and the Women’s Legal Centre in a campaign titled Know the Law, Use the Law, Save a Life: Domestic Violence and Dangerous Weapons.
It aims to empower women suffering domestic abuse, and to educate them on how to have dangerous weapons removed from their partners.
This week Parliament’s portfolio committee on police vowed to monitor the impact of the Domestic Violence Act.
Along with the Firearm Controls Act, the act allows the courts to issue a protection order, authorise police to remove a firearm from a gun owner.
But Taylor said while they were excellent policies, they were not being properly implemented.
Delays in securing protection orders also saw courts “hardly ever” ordering the removal of guns.
Workshops, door-to-door campaigns, free advice offices and community dialogues are some of the ways which will be used to inform women of how they can use the law to protect themselves.
Sanja Bornman, Women’s Legal Centre attorney, said: “We want to make sure that women know they can ask for weapons to be taken out of the domestic violence equation
“The law is no good if it stays on paper. The public must have knowledge of how to use it.”
Sonke Gender Justice’s Angelica Pino said the drive would also be used to challenge men about their roles.
“Masculinity many times involves violence and macho men holding guns and using them to provoke fear among their peers and families.”
The campaign will run until November which will mark the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children.
Sunday Argus