London - A former British army musician who kept her mental health battle secret from her family for fear it would burden them was found dead in a hotel bathtub.
Rosemary Atkins, 32, had a lengthy history of depression and anxiety but was worried she would ‘hurt’ her parents if she told them about her problems, an inquest was told.
They told of their heartache that patient confidentiality rules meant they could not be told of her anguish as she contended with what her father Martin described as a confusing array of mental health teams trying to help her.
Miss Atkins had told her parents she self-harmed when she was in the Army – but they were unaware her condition worsened following the end of a nine-year relationship with her boyfriend. As she struggled to cope, she told mental health workers about her "long-term fantasy of harming herself in the bath" – but insisted she would never act on it. She also told her father that suicide was "a coward’s way out".
But on May 19 last year the company administrator booked into a Premier Inn in Manchester city centre before submerging herself in the bathtub, leaving a note saying: "This is a goodbye and a last request."
At an inquest in Manchester, Mr Atkins, 60, from Royton, near Oldham said: "I am not blaming anybody for her death, but I do wish there was a way we could have been more involved and done more for our daughter. Had we known the extent of her battle we may have been able to be more of a support to her."
He said the range of services available for people with mental health problems was "deeply confusing" and he did not feel she was in the right state of mind to deal with them. "She was fierce and independent and kept her problems to herself," he added. "We always offered her our support but she never seemed to need it."
The inquest heard of phone calls Miss Atkins made to mental health services in the three days leading up to her death.
Susan Griffiths, a helpline operator for the rapid response RAID service in the North West, said Miss Atkins was clearly distressed and "kept telling me she could no longer cope", but did not want to see anyone. "She didn’t want to take trouble to her parents’ home," she said. "Something told me that something wasn’t right and deep down I had a horrible feeling."
She reported her concerns, and Miss Atkins’ body was found. Coroner Fiona Borrill recorded a conclusion of suicide.