London - Since its inception, Twitter has proved an unparalleled medium for transmitting the cruel side of human nature. But a remarkable series of tweets from the bedside of a dying woman has also revealed its capacity to convey poignancy and love.
For the past fortnight, Scott Simon, a broadcaster on the National Public Radio network in the United States, has been staging a Twitter vigil for his terminally ill mother, who is being treated in a Chicago hospital. Mr Simon, an award-winning broadcaster based in Washington, began tweeting when his mother had emergency surgery on 16 July.
More than 1.2 million people are following his updates, which reflect on their relationship while also chronicling her pain and revealing humorous anecdotes about his plight at her side.
On Monday, Mr Simon tweeted that his vigil may soon come to an end. “Her passing might come any moment, or in an hour, or not for a day. Nurses saying hearing is last sense to go so I sing & joke,” he wrote.
While it may seem an unusual thing to do in a time of grief, health experts have stressed that social media can be important for individuals who feel otherwise helpless in the face of terminal illness.
“Mr Simon can't leave his mother's side and he doesn't have access to his friends. This is an outlet for him. A way of releasing the misery he is going through,” said Dr Judy Kane, a trustee of Healthtalkonline.org, an award-winning website that helps patients and families share experiences of serious illness.
“He has shown that Twitter can help people derive a lot of comfort in these situations. They can say, 'Someone else is experiencing the same thing'.”
While social media is adding a new dimension to the grieving process, it has not always been employed so sensitively.
In 2008, a reporter from the Denver-based Rocky Mountain News was asked to live-tweet the funeral of a three-year-old boy who was killed by flying debris from a car crash as he ate ice-cream with his parents. The results - “pallbearers carry out coffin followed by mourners… family members shovel earth into grave” - were condemned for being morbid and inappropriate.
Then, last month, Alec Baldwin's wife, Hilaria, was accused of posting upbeat tweets during The Sopranos star James Gandolfini's funeral. The couple strenuously denied the accusations, but the question of appropriate social-media etiquette at a time of grief was once again in the spotlight.
Whatever the objections, micro-blogging by the bereaved is becoming a fact of life, Dr Kane said.
“I trained as a GP in a different era where that didn't happen,” she said. “We didn't even talk about cancer then, it was the elephant in the room.”
But she added that for those in Mr Simon's situation, there was no substitute for “real friends by your side”.
Myra Johnson, of Together For Short Lives, a charity for children with life-limiting conditions and those who care for them, said she also believed that, if used correctly, social media could have a positive effect on the grieving process.
Ms Johnson said: “There are so many taboos about death and dying. People find it hard to express how they are feeling. Some may find it therapeutic to talk to a more anonymous audience rather than friends or families.”
But broadcasting daily updates of a dying friend or relative's condition carries risks, too.
“The concern might be that you don't have any control over the responses,” Ms Johnson said.
“Mr Simon has had wonderful, supportive comments but it's possible with social media that you could receive back something which is devastating for the family.”
SCOTT SIMON'S TWEETS
1 Mother called: “I can't talk. I'm surrounded by handsome men.” Emergency surgery. If you can hold a thought for her now...
2 Tnx for nice thoughts for my mother. She's in recovery now, wheezing jokes through oxygen tube! Inspiration in aspiration!
3 I just want to say that ICU nurses are remarkable people. Thank you for what you do for our loved ones.
4 My mother in ICU sees Kate & Will holding baby and tears: “Every baby boy is a little king to his parents.” So I tear too.
5 Watching ChiSox vs Tigers game in ICU w/ mother. Score not improving MY blood pressure.
6 Bless all ICU nurses who are getting people through pain & anxieties tonight.
7 All hospitals should have roll-out chairs in ICU rooms so loved ones can spend night w/ patients & not sleep on floor.
8 I am getting a life's lesson about grace from my mother in the ICU. We never stop learning from our mothers, do we?
9 Tnx for all best wishes for my mother in ICU. Her anthem, more than ever, is But I'm Still Here. She inspires us all.
10 My mother knows the name & story of every nurse & doctor in the ICU. She keeps no one a stranger.
11 What is the idea behind deep fried onion rings in a hospital cafeteria?
12 My mother & I just sang Que Sera Sera 3 times. God bless you Doris Day for giving us such a great theme song.
13 Tried to buy coffee for family w/ a mother in ICU too. Barista overheard, refused my card. “Your money's no good here.”
14 I consider this a good sign: mother sez when time comes, obit headline should be Three Jewish Husbands, But No Guilt.
15 My mother drifts to sleep listening to Nat's Unforgettable. I keep things light, but moments like this hard, if sweet. ccdscdscdcsasacdsc”
16 Mother can't sleep. We listen to music, her face feels puffy, hot. We talk of much. I say “You need sleep.” “Not really.” really.”
17 Mother & I just finished a duet of We'll Meet Again. Every word has meaning. Nurse looks in, asks, “Do you take requests?”
18 Thanks for all good wishes. Mother says, “We can get through this, baby. The hardest part will be for you when it's over.”
19 I tell her, “You've given me strength to carry it.” She's reciting White Cliffs of Dover now, becoming 14 before my eyes.
20 Nights are the hardest. But that's why I'm here. I wish I could lift my mother's pain & fears from her bones into mine.
21 And yes, wish my family was here. But want our daughters just to remember the Grandmere who lavished them w/ smiles.
22 No real sleep tonight. But songs poems memories laughs. My mother: “Thank you God for giving us this night & each other.”
23 My mother: “Believe me, those great death bed speeches are written ahead of time.”
24 Mother: “I don't know why this is going on so long. I'm late for everything I guess.”
25 Listening to La Bohème now, Bocelli. Mother can't keep eyes closed. “Maybe opera will help. I always slept when I went.”
26 I tell my mother, “You'll never stop teaching me.” She said, “Well don't blame me for everything.”
27 Anytime you've heard me being gracious & kind, it reflected my mother's teaching. Anytime I was unkind, I fell short.
28 We're singing through musicals my mother taught me to love (Fiorello now). She says, “I've seen so much talent in this world!”
29 Old friend, Fr Chuck, comes by to recite Act of Contrition w/ my mother. We love him. My mother has nothing to be contrite about.
30 My mother is breathing, finally sleeping. Docs asked what priority is. I just want to take her to sit in our favourite park.
31 Thanks for all kind messages. We're watching 42 (movie), cherishing every second of normalcy. Cherish yr mother tonight. too.
32 I don't know how we'll get through these next few days. And, I don't want them to end.
33 Mother asks, “Will this go on forever?” She means pain, dread. “No.” She says, “But we'll go on forever. You & me.” Yes.
34 Wake up, see my hands shaking. Mother holds them, murmurs, “Goodnight Sweet Prince.” Morphine, but no sleep for her.
35 I see dawn coming in sky and want to hold it back to keep my mother from what's ahead- to keep my mother, period.
36 I love holding my mother's hand. Haven't held it like this since I was 9. Why did I stop? I thought it unmanly? What crap.
37 Mother cries 'Help Me' at 2;30. Been holding her like a baby since. She's asleep now. All I can do is hold on to her.
* The radio broadcaster who won praise for his poignant tweets from the bedside of his terminally ill mother has disclosed that she died on Monday night.
Simon thanked those who had sent him warm wishes and wrote that the worst part had been informing his daughter. He also encouraged bereaved families to call a “1-800 DIGNITY number. Worthy of Evelyn Waugh...”
Whilst Simon was praised for showing that Twitter could be used as a platform for grieving, others questioned whether his mother has consented to his decision to share her pain and suffering with a wider world. - The Independent
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