The Urban Dictionary has a good few different definitions for the phrase "Waka Waka", which is also the title of the official World Cup anthem (Waka Waka - it's time for Africa).

Waka Waka is the noise that Pacman makes when he eats a dot; it is also the sound Fozzie, the bear from The Muppets, makes after he tells a joke; and, for those who still play vinyl, it is the sound DJs used to make when they "scratched".

Hmmm ... Pacman, Fozzie and a noise made by moving something the wrong way - sounds like the perfect definition of the official World Cup anthem. The voice of Shakira, whose hips don't lie, sounds a little like Pacman munching her way through a series of lyrics so cliched they seem to have either been cobbled together from a collection of primary school poems or first team rugby pep talks.

Still, there are some small mercies. The Parlotones aren't singing it so we can be sure that it won't end up on an advertisement for fried chicken, short-term insurance or a supermarket chain any time soon. Mind you, Safa have not yet announced whether there will be an official song for Bafana, but as they struggle to organise matches and accommodation for their own team, it is highly unlikely.

England will not have an official World Cup song, which has been greeted with some relief by their countrymen. They have had some crackers in the past: New Order wrote World in Motion for the 1990 tournament which was co-written by Keith Allen, the father of Lily.

David Beckham's future missus, the rest of the Spice Girls, Echo and the Bunnymen and the Lightning Seeds sang (How does it feel to be) On top of the world? Then Becks got sent off against Argentina and England got knocked out, so that didn't work.

However, one England fan, the incomparable Mark E Smith of legendary indie band The Fall, has recorded an unofficial World Cup song for England called England's Heartbeat. The lyrics are a bit feisty: "This is not 1974, this is not 1976, you are not at Stamford Bridge, but you are on a Boer Ridge", and "take care of the invention of your nation", "socks up at last or be a Brazilian breakfast".

It's certainly a lot better than "Waka Waka oh oh" and "Waka Waka eh eh". Waka Waka is, I fear, kaka kaka.